My summer dragged on like a slow waltz and abruptly ended with a sprint to Boston, Massachusetts. Before I knew it, all of my things were placed in their respective spaces and I was hugging my mother goodbye, not fully processing the fact that I wouldn’t be seeing her for a couple of months. I sat down and stared at the new life in front of me, trying to identify the feeling in my chest. I could only find one phrase to describe the shock and anticipation of having everything you worked so hard for lying right in front of you: this is weird. This transitory emotion has been accompanied by tears, laughter, anxiety, acceptance, and reluctance. When I am stuck in these pockets of time where it feels like I will never grow fond of the overwhelming change in front of me, I put my headphones on and listen. Music, like a good book, has a way of reminding you that nothing you are going through is original. There are millions of people feeling your pain and triumph, rebuilding themselves brick by brick. In hopes of lifting a dorm-ridden freshman’s spirits, here are just five of the songs that made me feel a little less alone.
Storms – Fleetwood Mac
Stevie Nicks’s voice has a way of reminding one of their childhood through the eyes of the woman you are steadily becoming. Although it is hard not to listen to this song and burst into tears, I listened to it frequently during my first week of college as a form of affirmation. Even though I was feeling the intense absence of my family, friends, and pets, I felt as though the sadness I was experiencing could only lead me to the contentment I longed for. The chorus of the song strongly resonates with this concept:
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly calm inside
A Lot’s Gonna Change – Weyes Blood
This song reminds me of one of my best friends from home, solely because he introduced me to the artist as a whole. The song illustrates the aching pain that change forces on a person, however, it describes the change as something that will persist throughout your lifetime. This gives the concept of change continuity, painting it as something that is never brand new. One of my favorite parts of the song is when Weyes sings:
And no good thing could be taken away
If I still believe that hearts don’t lie
You’re gonna be just fine
Combined with the melodramatic instrumentals of the song and Weyes Blood’s timeless voice, these lines reminded me that everything I’ve ever loved is still waiting for me at home. Nothing is being stripped away from me; I am merely growing and receiving!
These Days – Nico
This song accompanied me on leisurely walks through the city like a reliable friend. Nico casually sings this song, listing off the feelings that have been sitting with her. The song’s vivid string background combined with lyrics describing the mundane coincided with my efforts to romanticize the new city I was exploring. My aimlessness and shyness was reflected when Nico sings:
I’ve been out walking
I don’t do too much talking these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had
The chance to
This song had a way of reminding me that my solitude was not exclusive, and how sometimes the cure for being lost is surprisingly the act of wandering.
People’s Parties – Joni Mitchell
Joni Mitchell, like the fun childless aunt who has nothing but stories to tell, has kept me company throughout high school and now college. I love this song because it beautifully portrays the feeling of emptiness that often contradicts the bustling social atmosphere surrounding a person. Even though orientation was a welcoming, warm embrace, I still felt a bit out of place.
I’m just living on nerves and feelings
With a weak and a lazy mind
And coming to people’s parties
Fumbling deaf dumb and blind
This song has reminded me that it is ok to look for belonging in other places. I found my new dear friend walking down Boylston Street at an open market. I have found that you don’t have to seek out a connection because it is usually waiting right around the corner!
Loose Garment – MUNA
MUNA has a way of producing songs that make you want to dance all night while also sitting down on a bench in order to contemplate your own heartache and longing. Loose Garment serves as a testament to how human beings tend to sit and hold their sadness as a form of comfort. You can turn your sadness into anything you want, but in the end, you have to let it go somehow. The vivid string instrumental that follows the chorus uplifts me every time I hear it:
Used to wear my sadness like a choker
Yeah, it had me by the throat
Tonight I feel I’m draped in it
Like a loose garment, I just let it flow
I would listen to each of these songs while walking in the park, watching children play and dogs roll around in the grass. The scene is beautiful and it never gets old. I miss home but I believe that I will miss it here one day too. I think about what a privilege it is to miss anything at all, to be taken away from something so special that you cannot help but think about it every second of every day. I continue with the notion that I am building something for myself here, and as much as it hurts, I hope to miss it with the same intensity I feel right now.