I believe the popularity difference between the “demure” girl and the “hawk tuah” girl reveals an ever-present misogyny behind viral social media sensations.
The phrases “Hawk tuah” and “demure” became viral on TikTok around the same time over the summer and share several similarities. Both phrases are said by women, both phrases are thought to be humorous and quotable, and both phrases have become widely hated as they have grown in popularity. There is, however, one key difference: it seems that “hawk tuah” was popularized largely by men, while “demure” was popularized by women.
Now, the “hawk tuah” girl continues to rise, having started a podcast and a line of merchandise featuring her phrase, which is still spreading like wildfire. Meanwhile, I haven’t heard “demure” in weeks. I don’t think this is a coincidence.
For context, the original “demure” video features creator Jools Lebron describing her makeup and attire going into work as “very demure, very mindful”. Her dry tone suggests that she is making an ironic commentary on women who force other women to be modest at the workplace and the importance of dressing appropriately. The term became an instant hit, with women using “demure” and “mindful” in a lighthearted way to describe going about everyday tasks.
Then, there’s the “hawk tuah” girl. Also known as Hailey Welsh, her fame came from being asked by a street interviewer “What’s one move in bed that makes a man go crazy every time?” To this, she responded, “Oh, you gotta give him that hawk tuah, spit on that thang.” The clip started making its rounds, with countless men online becoming enamored with her and trying to find her on social media. Despite the backlash, these men continued to insist that Hailey’s sexual joke was the funniest thing to hit TikTok- and judging by her ongoing fame nearly 5 months later, it feels like their admiration made an impact.
So, what’s the issue here? Well, I believe it comes down to the rise and fall behind “demure” and the rise- and continued rise- of “hawk tuah.” To me, “Demure” allowed women to come together over an oppressive expectation set upon them and reclaim it as a way to feel cute doing everyday tasks. I believe that “Hawk tuah” gave men yet another “cool girl” to obsess over, simply because of an oral sex joke that they only found funny because it served their sexual interests.
“Demure” was trashed by men, as they declared it to be annoying and were sick of seeing it on their For You page. Now, only two months later, it seems to me that the term has become obsolete. “Hawk tuah” was criticized by women a fair amount, providing the same reasons as the criticism over “demure.” And yet, “hawk tuah” is still everywhere. It’s no secret that patriarchy and misogyny dictate many aspects of our society, but in this case, it feels like it’s hiding in plain sight.
While these may just seem like silly social media trends, let’s break it down a bit from my perspective. Women found a way to come together and feel comforted, men trashed it, and it fizzled. At the same time, men communed over their objectification of women, women criticized it, and it persists. Suddenly, a couple of TikTok fads have become a reflection of patriarchy.
It should be noted that Hailey Welsh is not to blame, and I find it unfair that she is receiving the bulk of the criticism. Comedy is subjective, and it’s okay to not find “hawk tuah” funny, but I think it’s the way men turned her phrase into a way to further objectify women that needs to be scrutinized. At the end of the day, a woman shouldn’t be blamed for men’s oppressive ideologies.
“Hawk tuah,” “demure,” and all social media trends for that matter may seem trivial but can offer a real insight into the media that we allow to prosper. Social media began as a place for people to express themselves to the world, and it feels as if it has become nothing more than a digital replication of our society. That is, men have the overall power over what is important and women, queer people, and other marginalized groups are forced to make their own smaller spaces to feel safe.