Imagine being in line for something you have been waiting for for a long time. Perhaps, a brand new ride at an amusement park, or a concert you have been saving up for ages. You get to the front of the line and make your way to your seat. As soon as you sit down and the excitement climbs to its peak, the floor opens up from under you and drops, sending you falling. Sound familiar? The anticipation of what you have been dreaming about leads to an unexpected plunge. That, to me at least, is the epitome of entering your 20s.
Of course, life is crazy, and it takes us on so many twists, turns, and detours in hopes of directing us on the paths we are destined to be on. As we begin to grapple with the concept of independence, our 20s emerge as one of the most tumultuous, intense, yet deeply inspiring phases of life.
Entering this decade can almost feel like being born again, entering the world for the second time. However, this time, you’re entering the world of adulthood. For most people, it’s a time when support from family diminishes, forcing you to rely more on yourself as you begin to build your own life. In this stage, particularly during college, friendships become incredibly significant. They offer the emotional and practical support needed to navigate the challenges of adulthood, shaping our experiences and growth.
Having recently turned 21, this is the year where I have had the most self-discovery. For most of my life, I’ve always been on the go, constantly moving forward, and fiercely independent, which, in some ways, can be okay and work. I was completely oblivious to it until I noticed that I started to push everyone away, self-isolating and forgetting part of myself. I thought that if I could just focus on my degree and my relationship with my partner, it would all be fine and enough, but it just wasn’t. I felt disconnected, not only from everyone around me but from my own needs and emotions.
Friendships have always been kind of a difficult thing for me; oftentimes I would feel that friendships that didn’t work out were because of me, and that there must have been something wrong with me. It felt like I wasn’t enough, as if I was always on the outside looking in. It wasn’t until recently that I began to realize that the problem was never me, but it was the fact I hadn’t found the right people yet. Now, at 21 years old, it is starting to make more sense that true friendship lies within those who stand by you, even when your life is confusing or in utter chaos.
A time when I felt this intensely, this crushing feeling of being overwhelmed, was earlier this year. I was on top of my schoolwork and working regularly, but my partner and I were arguing constantly. There was a day sometime before the semester ended when I just erupted. I was carrying so much pressure from school, work, and our relationship. That is when I realized everything was piling up so fast, and I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
I felt buried under my responsibilities, like there was always something to be done. I would get home from work exhausted and irritable, but I continued to push myself to finish every task as quickly as possible. I feared if I didn’t, I would fall even further behind. This surmounting stress bled into my relationship. I would get irritated when my partner came home, and instead of talking about it, I bottled it all up inside. I wanted to be alone, but I didn’t. It was like playing tug of war in my brain; I had never felt so conflicted.
On top of that, living in such a small apartment made everything feel more constricted. I couldn’t invite friends over, and it didn’t feel like I had time to see them. I missed them. It had been months since I had last seen any of my friends because we go to different schools and don’t live close to each other anymore; even though we are in the same state, our schedules barely align. My friendships didn’t end, but they started to feel more distant. Slowly, I felt myself retreating inward and slipping away into my shell, feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in such a long time.
This loneliness hit me gradually, but, when it did, it hit hard. I wondered if I was the problem, why couldn’t I just balance everything? I didn’t know how to express these feelings to my partner, and it felt like the one constant thing in my life that grounded me — talking to my friends — was entirely out of reach. Without those connections, life’s chaos felt even more difficult to manage.
But even through such a hard time like this, my friends reminded me that I wasn’t alone. One night, I texted one of my friends, almost out of desperation, to vent about everything I had been keeping inside. I didn’t know what to expect, but I didn’t expect their unconditional support and understanding. They made me feel whole again like the big weight on my shoulders was lifted and not mine to carry alone. At this exact moment, I realized that my friends are truly my anchors.
Looking back even further, I realize that my closest friends have been there for me throughout so many different aspects of my life. One through the first year of college in the dorms, where everything was new and frightening. Others through work, where we navigated through difficult circumstances together. And one that I had recently connected with, and has always been a sister to me. They have all listened to me when I doubted myself and felt like I wasn’t enough; they pulled me out of that hole and reassured me that I am.
Now that I am a year into my 20s, these friendships are the ones to ground me when everything feels like it is out of my control. Regardless of whether it is texting after days of not talking or taking the time to plan a day within crazy-packed schedules, it makes all the difference.
In a world that pushes romantic relationships into the spotlight as the most important relationships to have, besides yourself, platonic relationships are just as valuable. My friends see me for who I am outside of my roles as a partner, student, or worker. They remind me that I am human, perfectly imperfect, and that I don’t need to have everything together all the time.
With that said, next time you find yourself waiting in that line, anticipating what awaits you and wondering what is beyond the other side, just know that life will continue to have its unexpected drops. There will be moments where the floor will fall beneath you, leaving you unsure what will happen next. But, like that first plunge into your 20s, the people who stick by your side help you land on your feet again. So, when the world feels like it’s falling apart, don’t forget that you’re not walking alone.