It’s Monday night and I find myself looking for something to watch on Netflix after a long day of work, and after several TikToks from the show “Nobody Wants This”, I decided to have a binge-watch session, followed by a good crying session.
First, I love romcoms! I grew up watching “The Wedding Planner”, “Fools Rush In”, “How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, “10 Things I Hate About You”, and as a good Latina, I watched all the telenovelas my mom watched. Years later, while navigating relationships in my 20s, I understand why my aunt, a therapist, didn’t allow her kids to watch telenovelas growing up.
From 20 to 27, my life revolved around moving abroad and finding love. I did move abroad by myself and so far, it’s the biggest personal achievement I’ve had in my life.
When it comes to love, I thought it was going to happen like all the movies I grew up watching. One day I was going to be walking in a big city, and accidentally I stumbled into a double of Matthew McConaughey, and we would live happily ever after. In real life, I used dating apps: Bumble, Hinge, and back in the early days, when it wasn’t scary, Tinder.
Unconsciously choosing terrible men with the emotional maturity of a peanut and not knowing myself and my worth enough made some damage that, now that I am a full, independent adult, I’m consciously trying to fix. So watching a show like “Nobody Wants This” felt like an actual hug to my heart.
I had fun going on dates, and looking back, it was an exciting period of time, all the thrill of getting ready for a date and the innocent thought of “this could be my last first date”.
I enjoyed that season of my life and while navigating the dating world, I met two incredible men, an Ivy-League fully deconstructed healthcare student and a fascinating Canadian traveling nurse. Years later, I still remember them, and I’m thankful for the experience, but I also met trash. Tons of trash.
Growing up and doing a big part of the inner work, I learned what I find attractive, and the more I get to know myself, the more clear I am on what I want and what I think is worthy.
Things like emotional availability, humbleness, empathy, the ability to listen, and patience are sexier than a pair of muscles and a six-pack. Seeing a male character with empathy and patience for a woman who always felt like she was too much gave me hope that good men exist. And that for all of us, who grew up listening to the words “you are too emotional”, “too dramatic”, and “too sensitive”, it is possible to find and build relationships and connections, not only romantic but in friendships too, that will make us feel seen and safe.
I want to emphasize the word build because it took me a painful heartbreak, and a ton of mini heartbreaks to realize that it takes two healthy people to build a healthy relationship.
Contrary to romcoms, healthy bonds don’t happen overnight; they take time, patience, mutual effort, and two people willing to make it work.
My last relationship was the biggest teacher on this subject.
I dated a man who was good on paper, and until today, I believe he is a great person. However, he was not willing to understand how I wanted and needed to be loved, and I got exhausted of translating my love language to him. As much as we had good things, we weren’t compatible.
Chemistry, sparks, romance…everything was there.
But it wasn’t enough to build something that could last.
And as you grow older, you want something to last as long as it is healthy and a good thing.
From a girl that has always felt like she is “too much”, it was refreshing seeing another imperfect-“too much-esque” female character. Yes, it was a show, but it was also a reminder that we don’t need to be 1000% healed to be loved.
As my sister, who reminded me so much of Morgan, the tall and brutally honest sister from the show, told me: “To know you is to love you. Someone someday will be lucky enough to get to know you very well. And with the right man, even if you have fears, you won’t feel alone, because he will help you navigate them from a place of love and empathy”.
Yes, I am still a lover girl, and probably it’s just my nature and my DNA. I do want the flowers and would think it’s the most romantic thing in the world to have someone showing up at my door with a radio like the 80’s movies, but I am also an adult, who understands that real life has challenges. And at the end of the day, it’s not about rushing, and it’s more about finding the person that will be on my team, even when things are not pretty. The person that won’t run away when he gets to know my ugly side, my imperfect side, my human side.
It was refreshing to watch a show where the characters weren’t 21 or 22, and had the right dose of romance, but they were also two independent adults in their 30s, both with enough maturity, experiences, stories, and past, and both willing to have something beautiful that worked for both ends.
It gives me hope that is not too late.
It gives me hope that love can happen at any age.
It gives me hope that I will find something healthy and mutual.