For most of my teenage years, I had a very difficult relationship with myself, as many teenage girls have. Teenage life is our first taste of a cycle of rediscovering who you are as your friendships, circumstances, and life change. I always held out hope, that the fully formed version of myself that I could be proud of was just waiting for me. I believed I would just discover her. If I worked on myself, I would just transport from the half-formed version of me to the full-formed mirage I created.Â
But I realized that wasn’t the way I was going to like myself. Only liking the future version of myself that I dreamed up wasn’t how I was going to grow and like who I am in the present. White this doesn’t mean that I can’t dream of who I hope to be, it does mean recognizing the pieces of that idealized version I was already carrying with me: the pieces of myself, some near full bloom, some just sprouting, that I could already be proud of.Â
I would have to find the parts of myself that I did believe in.
It may start small. Each person will be different. We all have qualities in ourselves that we are proud to have. I used the strengths within the pieces of myself I didn’t like and the weaknesses with the parts I did, and vice versa. I reflected on situations with curiosity in regards to the different versions of who I was and their reactions. The moments in which someone may have hurt me… my response being a result of my care for them… I wanted to see the strengths.
My acceptance started slowly. When I began recognizing the woman I already am, displaying great character and planting roots toward the woman I hoped to be, I knew I was going to be okay. One of the best experiences I gained was understanding the people in my life with more power, because I was seeing the ever-changing elements and strengths within them.Â
It brought me more joy. The positivity I gained, the hope I could feel, even in the briefest of moments allowed me to experience a light. It comes with its good and bad days. There are periods where one will outweigh another, and they will swing in a pendulum. It has been worth the time and effort to reflect. The more appreciative I am, the easier each day was. Life is too powerful to let my biggest obstacle be myself. I wanted to grow, change, become the version of myself I was waiting for. And in the journey, that rewarding image shifted. And she is just impressive, and she is excited to keep changing.Â
Self acceptance in your teens, 20s, and 30s look different in every phase. As I’m starting my 20s, I want to go in with all the optimism and power I can get. I want to look forward to challenges that create a better version of me. I want to hope for the rest of my life, I get to keep growing and evolving. It is one of the specific joys of being human. I get to look forward with will because I wanted it for myself. I want it to be with the hope we are sometimes afraid to feel. And I’ll get to look back and wish advice on myself from 20 years in the future.