As a woman studying what it means to be a woman in society, I’ve learned that femininity is a weighted topic. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with fitting in in the feminine world, and with all of the restrictions that come with being feminine, it’s understandable to struggle with it. But being feminine can feel great just as much as it can feel not-so-great, so is femininity a woman’s best friend or her enemy?
What is FEMININITY?
The reality is that femininity isn’t a universally agreed upon idea, but women are expected to know it— easy right?
Whether it’s the way we act, talk, walk, behave, think, or dress, women are expected to conform to everyone’s idea of femininity, and it’s hard.
One might think femininity is how someone dresses while someone else thinks it’s how someone acts. There are also those who think it is all of the above and women come with a default setting of interest and behaviors.
Femininity can look and be a lot of things, but one thing it’s not is how a woman should be defined.
Femininity as women’s Foe
Let me clarify and say that femininity itself is not the enemy; this is more about the restrictions femininity places on women because of society (surprise, the patriarchy is the issue).
Femininity is unnecessarily complicated and women tend to have an internal battle to stay inside this gray area between being who they are and following what society says they should be.
As someone who is more comfortable in “masculine” clothing, hearing how I need to “dress more girly” is infuriating. If I sit and take up space, I’m sitting “like a man.” If I speak up, I’m being “rude.” If my interests aren’t the out-dated, stereotypical ones society thinks women should like, I am not “behaving like a woman.”
Femininity is also tied to this idea of being “less than” or “weak,” so being feminine can sound unappealing to say the least. Avoiding femininity can feel like we’re fighting the patriarchy in our own way and that can feel empowering.
So if there are so many struggles with being feminine, why would we want to be feminine?
Femininity as women’s Friend
It can feel empowering to be feminine too.
Putting on makeup, wearing those cute pink outfits, putting bows in our hair, and overall just being in touch with our feminine side can give us confidence.
Whether we want to be the dictionary definition type of femininity or we put our own spin on what we think is feminine, it’s all about choosing to do femininity how we want to.
Embracing femininity can feel wrong, especially when I’m reading about all of these feminist works telling me about the way that it’s twisted to oppress, but it’s important to note that femininity is not the issue. It’s the restrictions that are put on women through gender roles, misogyny, stereotypes and sexism in our society that feminist are saying cause this oppression.
So, if being feminine is how you feel the most confident, then there’s no shame in it. Femininity does not define how much of a woman you are and it doesn’t dictate who you should be.
The ping-pong debates over avoiding or owning our femininity aren’t going to end anytime soon. At the end of the day, we decide how much control femininity has over our lives, and whether we choose to embrace or defy it, it should be our choice to make.