1. it is new for all of you.
How do people navigate roommate/living conflicts correctly, while balancing everything college life throws at you? Freshman year of college can be tough – new location, new people, and a handful of new experiences all thrown at you, without the guidance of your parents at home waiting for you each night. Adjusting to living with new people, sometimes complete strangers, can be challenging for a lot of people. The most important part of that? Remember you aren’t the only one! Here is what I’ve learned about living with new people and adjusting to that new lifestyle.
Living with strangers, even if you met before move in, is a big change. Coming back from a long, tough day of classes to a space that isn’t completely your own can take a toll on you. Remember that everyone has tough days, and it’s not just your first time navigating how to live on your own with 3 other people. Sometimes your roommate may need some quiet time – she may need to leave the room for a while, or you could take a walk and give her space if your time allows. Small acts of thoughtfulness will go a long way for both you and your roommate.
2. everyone makes mistakes.
Not everyone is going to be a super-organized, type-A personality perfectionist who has everything put together all the time. Your roommate may accidentally leave her curling iron on when she leaves for class – though this is dangerous and it’s doubtful she did it on purpose. Unplug it and kindly remind her that she left it on. Not everyone is out to get each other – sometimes things just slip people’s minds, and that’s okay. However, if issues as such continue to arise, sitting down and having a one-on-one conversation with your roommate is a mature and less-intimidating route than letting small things pile up and arguing. Keeping calm with an open mind will make things a lot easier for everyone. If issues don’t get resolved, you can speak to an RA or landlord privately, and then bring your roommate into the conversation if needed.
3. Give grace.
As I said, everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to let things go. Your suitemate may forget to clean out the drain after the shower – kindly remind them to clean it, and then forget about it. Don’t hold grudges against people for things that have only happened once or twice; it only creates negative tension in your living space, which is the last thing you want when you have such limited personal space already. If you feel like your space isn’t being respected, have a serious (but calm) conversation with your roommates, and get an RA involved if needed. Do not hold things over their heads, because remember, they are just as new to this as you.
4. The Golden Rule!
If you can’t manage to wrap your mind around anything above, remember this: how would you feel in their shoes? Say you have a long night studying for an exam, and you forget to wash your dishes one night. How would you feel if your roommate immediately filed a complaint against you? Or maybe they carelessly threw your dishes to the side and made the kitchen messier in the process, out of annoyance? It would drive you crazy, maybe hurt your feelings, right? On the flip side of that, for example, I bet your med school roommate would appreciate you washing her dishes for her; I’m sure your engineering roommate would like a little bit of empathy about her laundry piling up during midterms. Doing things for them doesn’t have to be frequent, but like I said, small acts of kindness go a long way. Simple, thoughtful acts and keeping an open mind will better your relationship with your roommates, hence making potential conflicts easier to navigate down the line.