“Is it better to speak or to die.”
This is a quote I live by. The first time I heard it, nothing could have understood how I felt better than that question. A question I ask myself during times of uncertainty, it could be as mundane as a class discussion or confessing my feelings to another person.
“Is it better to speak or to die.”
I doubt myself when it comes to expressing how I feel aloud, so, to me, it is better to die. It is better to leave things unsaid even if they matter. Why? So much of my life is spent doubting how to phrase certain things, how to act, or when I should be speaking. The only times I feel confident are when I write.
“Is it better to speak or to die.”
With writing comes editing, revisions, and, more importantly, cutting anything before I submit it. In writing, I can be whoever I want to be and feel comfortable with what I am putting out there. Writing over the years has become a form of self-expression to fit into.
“Is it better to speak or to die.”
More recently though, writing has become answering prompts to a question I couldn’t care less about. This is why I appreciate Her Campus. It has given me the chance to write about anything (appropriate, of course). I feel better knowing that every week, despite all the homework, APA essay formats, and journal entries, I get to put time aside and write about a topic I want to write about.
“Is it better to speak or to die.”
Writing has become a safety blanket that has prevented me from speaking. I know I can say the words, but will they come out funny? Would I sound less smart than if I were to write it? Would I be a bother if I come into the conversation now? Has the moment ended, and will my words hold any value if I choose to speak on them now?
“Is it better to speak or to die.”
I have no big point to this article and no takeaways, or even a heartfelt message. I just wanted to know I am not alone in feeling this way. If you, the reader, feel the mental block that comes with speaking aloud, take this read as a sign that I see you and I understand how you feel.