I attend the University of Texas at Austin on a full-ride scholarship through the Terry Foundation. Whoa, that’s a lot to handle. Some might even say, “That’s great power,” but with great power comes great responsibility… see what I did there.
Don’t get me wrong. I am one hundred percent grateful for this opportunity, but do I feel worthy enough for it? Not entirely. I was born and raised in the Rio Grande Valley—very southern Texas—and was raised to stay there. So, leaving for college, although a lifelong dream of mine, never felt like a viable option. That was until I was awarded the scholarship of my dreams.
So then why does it feel like I don’t belong here? I earned my place here, didn’t I? I did the best I could, and despite adversity, I made it. But I can’t help but feel undeserving of the opportunities presented to me. Being around so many goal-oriented and driven people is extremely empowering, but it can also be very discouraging. I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough or as much as other people do. Personally, my dilemma is that I have so many aspirations that it’s nearly impossible to choose one thing I want to pursue.
When I start to think about these things, I tend to keep them in because it’s not something I enjoy feeling in general. But just when I start to believe the worst, I am somehow always reminded that I have a purpose and am here for a reason. This past week, I had the opportunity to attend a Fall Banquet for the Terry Foundation, and it truly couldn’t have come at a more fitting time. For example, we had a keynote speaker who touched on the subject of imposter syndrome, and during her speech, she asked the audience to raise their hands if they had ever experienced it. Almost every person in the room raised their hands. It was the most seen I had ever felt in my life. It reminded me that I’m not alone. I never am.
Being in a new environment has allowed me to understand that no, I did not grow up with the same opportunities as my peers, but that just makes me even prouder to be where I am right now. Many people have known exactly what they wanted to pursue from a very early age, immediately knew which organizations they wanted to join, joined them, and have been making a name for themselves from the second they stepped on campus. Meanwhile, I had no idea I would even attend a university far from home, much less have so many opportunities at my fingertips.
Thus, it can get intimidating and very easily turn into this mindset where you think everyone else deserves to be here when you don’t.
But I am here, and I am living, taking it day by day, of course, but I think if I could do it, anyone can.