Nothing satisfies me more in life than a good rom-com movie.
To me, romantic comedies are one of the most timeless genres in film. Even after countless rewatches, rom-coms make you feel like you are experiencing them for the first time, every time. As a young woman in her 20s, I often find myself looking back at some of my favorite rom-com movies and comparing them to life as an adult.
After a recent re-watch of “When Harry Met Sally,” my absolute favorite romantic comedy movie of all time, one scene piqued my interest more than it ever has before. The scene in question is the one that takes place between Harry Burns, played by Billy Crystal, and Sally Albright, played by Meg Ryan, during a grueling 18-hour car ride to New York:
“You realize of course that we could never be friends,” Burns says matter-of-factly.
“Why not?” Albright questions.
“What I’m saying is—and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form—is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way,” Burns states.
Despite being made nearly four decades ago, I thought to myself, does the friendship dilemma in “When Harry Met Sally” still stand today? Can men and women ever be solely platonic?
Harry says no, Sally says yes.
In the film, Harry exemplifies the fact that sex is the main reason why men and women can’t be friends. Sally counters this argument by saying that she is friends with multiple men whom she does not have any intimacy with. However, Harry concludes the debate by stating that it does not matter whether or not the woman wants to be intimate, because the man always does, which ultimately dooms the friendship.
The rest of the plot in “When Harry Met Sally” revolves around this question, and shows both sides of the argument at times. After countless run-ins throughout several years, Harry and Sally eventually decide to get dinner as friends. This leads to a tumultuous “friendship” filled with relationship advice, phone calls and never-ending mutual pining.
For a good portion of the movie, Sally seems to be winning the friendship debate…That is until they have sex.
This leaves the two at odds near the end, until Harry finally confesses his feelings towards Sally with Frank Sinatra’s “It Had To Be You” playing in the background, making it one of the best romance sequences of all time. So in the end, did the plot prove Harry to be right all along?
In an interview with director Rob Reiner and writer Nora Ephron, it is clear that Harry and Sally were never meant to be just friends, and that sex was in fact the factor that would trigger the end of their friendship. Even though Harry and Sally’s friendship ended, it was the start of their blossoming relationship.
“When Harry Met Sally” is still a romance movie, which are notorious for happy endings, but what about those of us who are living in reality. Can men and women truly not be friends in the real world?
In 2012, the University of Wisconsin conducted a study based on this very question. In the study, 88 undergraduate friendship pairs of the opposite sex were interviewed separately about one another.
After conducting the study, results showed that men were more attracted to their female friends than the other way around. It also showed that men were more likely to think that their women friends were attracted to them. However, most women saw the friendship as strictly platonic and believed that their male pair felt the same.
Even though this research supports Harry’s debate on men and women friendships, this is not to say that men and women can never be friends.
At times, hearing real accounts regarding heterosexual relationships is a better example of how it is possible for anyone to be friends. In an article published by Grazia, the writer, Ed Cumming, discusses the reasons why he is grateful for his female friendships, and how they give him a different perspective in life. Why should we shut out any potential connection in our life that feels right just because that person is of the opposite gender?
I will always adore “When Harry Met Sally,” but personally, I think society has moved past these stereotypical concepts. I do believe that the debate can still hold some truth to it in the real world, but it should not be the base for every single friendship.
Friends are something I see as vital in a person’s life. Having good healthy friendships in your life should be cherished, because at times it can be hard to find. In my eyes, if there are boundaries, good communication and open-mindedness between two people, then nothing should stop them from pursuing a friendship.
Sorry Harry, but I am definitely with Sally on this one.