Unfortunately, many students experience the cannon event of being a 4.0 high school student who never had to study to now being a college student who spends many a day in the library agonizing over test grades and papers. With this comes failure. Shoot.
Failure is an inevitable part of life whether we like it or not. However, with the right mindset, you can reframe your failures into learning experiences.
Understanding Failure:
We can see failure manifest in many different parts of life. Whether that’s not performing well on a test, not meeting your goals, or in your relationships failure can wear many hats.
Oftentimes we fear failure. Which is valid, no one wants to feel like they’ve failed. Especially in school, anxiety can arise when we see that bad grade on Brightspace. Common thoughts flood our heads: Am I good enough for my major? What do I not understand? How can I study for so long and still not meet my expectations? We also fear failure on a societal level. Think of how many times you didn’t want to share a grade with a peer because of your own self-consciousness.
The Emotional Impact:
There’s no feeling I hate more than that initial gut punch of realizing you failed. Whatever that endeavor was, the feeling of messing it up stings. It is common to be immediately filled with shame and frustration. Just as we go through the five stages of grief when we lose something or someone we also go through it when we fail personally. However, it can be common for some of these feelings to stick around. Self-confidence can be diminished which can lead to a toll on mental health.
Coping with Failure:
The most important factor in coping with failure is acknowledging that it is a part of the learning process. Whether that’s literally a learning process as in a failed test and learning different study strategies for the next one or learning what you may have failed on in a relationship and making sure you don’t repeat those actions it is critical to realize that it is all a part of learning and growing as a person.
Refreshing your mindset can also be a helpful tool to change your outlook on failure. Instead of viewing failure as this daunting scary concept, view it as feedback. Instead of looking at a bad test grade as the end all be all of your academic career view it as an opportunity to change the way you study or learn the material in class. Along with this technique, it can be helpful to analyze what went wrong and create an action plan for improvement.
When in a pit of failure it is important to lean on your support system. Whether that’s friends, family, or professors and advisors who can help lift you up when you’re feeling down. Remember that this feeling doesn’t last forever and if it weren’t for great failures there would be no great wins.
A Story of Success:
A UVM freshman who prefers to remain anonymous shares her story of learning from failure with me. She highlights an experience in a chemistry class “I put in hours of work, I met with my teacher every week, I took notes in class. So it was incredibly frustrating when my grades would come back and suggest that I simply didn’t try”. This student was beyond scared for the final and worried that she wouldn’t get the grade she needed to pass the class. Instead of accepting defeat and taking the fail she worked with a tutor and got a grade better than she could even imagine. “I truly have never been so proud” this student remarks. This is just one of many testament to the fact that if we keep pushing through even when the going gets tough we are sure to find our way.
Building Resilience:
Overall I encourage you to develop a growth mindset. Cultivating resilience through challenges will make it easier to adapt to future struggles. Viewing struggles and setbacks as a moment to learn for the future will only benefit your life. Reframing your mindset can ultimately change your outlook on academics, relationships, and day-to-day living.
When you fail, take a step back and remind yourself of the opportunity you have to change your outlook. Give yourself anywhere from a few minutes to a day to grieve that failure and then move on and view it all as a learning experience. Practice mindfulness, stress management, and positive self-talk.
Overall, it is so important to take the time to cope with failure and use it as a stepping stone to make progress in the future. Failure should be a technique for motivation. It is a natural part of your journey as a student, athlete, and most importantly human. Rejection and failure are redirection, keep pushing forward regardless of your defeats.