The “Men’s First Love Theory” is taking over TikTok, but WTF does that even mean? Now, it goes without saying that everyone remembers their first love. And for many, no matter how it ended, people’s first love will always have a place in their hearts forever. Experiencing love for the first time is a rush that sticks in your brain forever, and the TikTok First Love Theory takes this idea to the next level.
The theory goes that men never forget their first love, and that man will only ever love their first love, and for the rest of their lives, they are chasing what they had with their first love. On the app, countless men admit that they would happily return to their first love if they could. Some of these men say they compare every relationship to the relationship they had when they were 15… when their brain wasn’t fully developed. Not gonna lie, it’s a little wild — and kind of weird.
So, does this theory have any actual merit? Is love only a one-time occurrence, and then you are doomed forever? I talked with Leah Levi, a psychologist and dating expert at Flure, a safe sexploration dating app, about this theory to find the truth.
First loves are hard to forget.
Having a first love is a heightened emotional experience, and this heightened emotion sticks with people. “First love is about exploring boundaries, like a quest to understand your emotional maximum.,” Levi says. “Those intense emotions can create a kind of fixation, making it easy to forget the imperfections and remember it as the ultimate experience of love.”
It is easy to look back on the past with rose-colored glass, but when the relationship is over, you are fixated on a concept of what used to be and what could have been. In turn, those memories, and holding onto them, can influence how you approach relationships as an adult. “That initial bond often becomes a benchmark, and people might compare new relationships to the emotions they felt during their first love,” Levi says. “Those comparisons, seen through rose-colored glasses, sometimes create unrealistic expectations for future partners.”
But if an ex is struggling to move on? That’s not your problem.
It’s no secret that men are not encouraged to express their emotions in the same way that women are, which according to Levi, could lead to emotional stuntedness. “Women are more encouraged to talk about their feelings, which helps them move on,” she shares. “Men, however, may have different outlets, making it harder for them to let go.”
When a breakup happens, it’s typically best to vent to friends, cry to loved ones, or even seek therapy to grieve the loss and move on — instead of looking for a rebound or squashing down your feelings. Emotional processing is essential for the healing process, and to move on, you must reflect on the relationship and acknowledge your feelings of grief and sadness, instead of making it someone else’s problem.
So, is it possible to ever get over a first love?
Yes, but it takes maturity and a shift in perspective. “People often elevate their first love to a mythical level, but as we age, we realize that what felt perfect was often an illusion,” Levi says. “As we mature, we come to value more than just passion; we look for stability, partnership, and someone who’ll be there through life’s ups and downs.”. Often, passion is confused with love. There may be a new thrill when you have your first love, but there is more to love than just passion. Love involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love built on passion alone will not survive in the long term. Once this is learned, someone can take their first love for what it is and experience new kinds of love.
So you can stop spiraling, it is possible to get over your first love — even if the TikToks say differently. And if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who can’t seem to get over their ex, maybe it’s best for you to move on, since they can’t.