This story happened in real life, but for the protection of my peers and myself, I will be changing the names of those involved. My purpose in sharing this is to find a sense of closure and, hopefully, to help other students who may be going through something similar.
Part 1: I Should’ve Listened to My Mother
Growing up in Miami, Florida, I never really spent time around white people. So, imagine my surprise when I arrived at Colby College—a predominantly white institution—for my first day of college. I’ve always been the quiet, stay-out-of-trouble type, someone who doesn’t enjoy drinking, smoking, or partying. But here at Colby, I found myself doing all three. I became the life of the party, yet still kept up with my academic tasks. It felt like survival, a necessity to blend in. Being Black, a woman, and from what some might label “the hood,” I knew I already had three strikes against me. So, I did what I thought I had to do: I changed. I did what others were doing, convinced that if I stood out too much, I’d be judged or even bullied.
Ironically, bullying is exactly what happened. During my freshman year, I joined a club for Latinx and Black unity, but something didn’t feel right from the start. My gut kept turning. I wasn’t sure if it was because I saw a guy I had a crush on, or because I showed up in booty shorts and felt everyone’s eyes on me. Either way, I was hesitant to really get involved at first. But once they found out I had a car, everything changed. I know what you’re thinking: “They’re using you for your car.” Right? But at the time, I didn’t see it that way. I offered rides, they gave me gas money—it felt fair. I became so comfortable with them that even when my car came back with scratches, I brushed it off because they were my “friends.” That’s when I met a girl I’ll call Strawberry. She had this joyous, funny personality that reminded me of friends back home. We clicked instantly. I felt safe around her, sharing secrets I hadn’t even told my boyfriend. Most importantly, I also shared my non-negotiables for this friendship, my values:
- I hate cheaters!
- I hate liars!
- If I do something that bothers you, tell me. I’ll fix it; if you need space from me I respect that.
- Don’t spread lies or share my business. If I find out you did, we’re going to have a problem.
- Be a good friend, and treat me how you want to be treated.
Five simple rules. That’s all I asked for. Strawberry never shared her values with me, but I didn’t think much of it—until a few months later, when she started acting really strange.