I am a perfectionist. Even as I sit here, writing this article, I feel the burden of the words: their relation to one another, their arrangement, their reflection on me. Everything needs to be perfect.Â
But where does this come from? For me, I have high standards and I am afraid of letting people down. Perhaps this is biological, perhaps it is not. All throughout our lives we are told to âdo our bestâ. This is supposed to be comforting and yet for me, it has always been too vague, what is my best? Surely, it must be my most perfect self? There have been moments where I have had a taste of perfection, in a way. Have you ever written an essay and felt completely satisfied with it? There is nothing like that feeling. And once you feel it, you want to feel it over and over, especially, because now it feels attainable. That is perfectionism. It is an illusion. Like all feelings, it is fleeting, momentary. If it is unattainable then why do we stress ourselves out trying to attain it?Â
I think that social media may be partly to blame. Social media is so toxic because people project their feelings into it, and others consume these feelings. For example, the âclean girlâ trend confronts women with perfectionism. It is not trendy to be messy or complicated. Instead, we should be composed and neat, ultimately, perfect. Even beyond social media, social standards have always told us how we should be perfectly conformant. I am not saying that you have to completely break free of social standards, and smash the patriarchy to overcome perfectionism, but we can start by accepting that we are human beings, not robots. Allow yourself to feel messy, even insecure and anxious! Embrace it! Donât reject these things but feel them to their greatest potential!Â
Walking down the streets of St Andrews, it is so easy to think that everyone else has it all together. The people here present themselves so well, and walk with meaning â they seem important, they seem like they know exactly where they are meant to be. But the truth is, nobody does. I think the difference between some people is how much they let things stress them out. Perfectionists tend not to do well when life gets in the way. Others accept it and move on. So that is what we need to do â accept that life is not smooth, and that the beauty of it is in its ebbs and flows.Â
University is meant to be challenging. It is what makes it interesting. I always think how bored I would be if things were straightforward. University is a collective experience, not an individual one. If youâre struggling itâs not because you are imperfect, but because this is what is supposed to happen. And if it is supposed to happen to you, then it is supposed to happen to everyone. It can be very comforting to remember that youâre not alone and that you form a collective body of students, experiencing similar things. I always remind myself that nobody has ever had an original experience.
As a perfectionist, I want to organise my entire life. But there is something beautiful about letting go and allowing life to take its course. Of course, organisation is important, but donât freak out when your plans are derailed, instead, take a step back, relax, and move on. Life is constantly moving forward, not backwards, and that is a beautiful thing. Every moment is an opportunity to start over. You are not defined by your past mistakes.Â
Perfectionism is normal. It is perfectly okay to want to be in control. It is also perfectly okay to embrace imperfection so that you can be more kind to yourself. With deadlines looming, remind yourself of your humanity. Being young is about making mistakes but also learning from them. Donât let your sense of control, control you too much, donât let it keep you from being happy. Â