“Nobody cares, Adria. It doesn’t matter.” I hear this quote daily from my friends, and to be honest, every time I hear it, I hold back tears. It does matter and I do care. I care about everything. Â
Unfortunately, I care a lot about myself. Obviously, I care about the happiness of my friends. I care about spending time with my family. I care about helping those in need. I care about making the world a better place, but when it comes down to it, I care the most about myself.Â
I care about how my hair looks. I care about the grade I got on my stats test. I care about the guy who probably never even thinks about me. I care about what size my jeans are. I care about how much money is in my bank account. Â
“Not everything is about you, Adria.” This is another quote that I hear far too often. Whenever one of my friends makes this comment in a joking way, I feel my lip quiver and my eyes well up with tears. Obviously, I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me, but if I care about something it consumes my life.Â
If I care about something, the people around me are going to know it. I care about everything so much that I can’t just “move on” from a situation. I have to talk about it, then talk about it again, and keep talking about it until it drives everyone around me insane. Â
For some people, it’s not normal to be hung up on the same situation for months or years, but that’s just simply how I am. I will care about something until it breaks me; that’s just who I am. I’m not necessarily proud of it, but I can’t continue to let people make me feel like there’s something wrong with me for it. Â
I have no problem admitting that there’s certain situations that I would benefit from moving on from, but I’ll do that at my own pace. I don’t need everyone around me urging me to suppress my feelings in order to “get over” something that’s still actively affecting me.Â
Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so deeply about every minor aspect of my life, but if I care about it, is it really minor? If something matters to me, it matters to me, and that’s simply how it is. Â
So, the next time someone says, “It doesn’t matter, Adria,” I will look them right in the eye and tell them that it does. If I care about something, I will allow myself to feel every emotion associated with it. I will cry, complain, and vent to anyone willing to listen. I refuse to feel bad for caring. Â