I choose joy. I feed the white wolf. I’m grateful to be alive. Those three sentences brandish my phone screen, on top of a bright yellow background. It gets me some stares, some chuckles, and a lot of “Whys?” All of which are fair. So, why do I have these vaguely ominous messages front and center? Each and every word means a great deal to me.Â
I, like most, have an internal dialogue, a constant back and forth going on inside my brain. I don’t know what everyone else says, but mine tends to be on the negative side. Over and over the worst-case scenario plays, ruthless messages and unkind words float around. This, of course, impacts how I view myself and the world. As a result of this mindset, I drown myself in sorrow and pity, seeking validation on Webmd and the columns of Reddit. I have found solace in Nessa Barrett’s music (she’s actually incredible), specifically “Talk to Myself,” where she details her struggles inside her mind. However, in all of this, I have acknowledged that this is not the place I want to be or the inner voice I want to have, so when all else failed, I went to my mom, the most positive and joyful person in my life.Â
Since I can remember, my mom has had a frustratingly bright outlook. When my little middle school self chose a different word about all the world’s violence and injustice, my mom maintained composure. While, believe me, this was terribly frustrating for 13-year-old Natasha, I know now that that is the key to peace, to true happiness. Sometimes, you can’t look at the negatives; relent on the downs. I want to recognize my privilege in this viewpoint, as people often cannot ignore the injustices. However, what my mom does is surround herself in the positive and uplift herself with motivating quotes, brightness and uplifting anecdotes. It seems silly but it is true. Where your mind flows, your energy goes, and while you cannot control the thoughts your mind creates, you can control the emphasis and time you pour into them. This practice is by no means created by Mrs. Rattray; it’s called reframing, and it helps you to create actual-new neural pathways. My mom may have learned this from the inspiring (borderline culty,if you ask me) Tony Robbins, her years of life lessons, or self-discovery, but it obviously works because she didn’t always have this mindset. I have taken her advice and put it at the forefront of my mind, on my phone and on my walls. I now read “Positive News,” a source that exclusively reports on what’s going right in the world, and the change that makes in my mood is verifiable.Â
To add, in moments of physical excretion where I was so close to giving up i.e. summiting a peakem dashI have repeated to myself, “You CAN do this!” and it worked. I cannot entirely report whether this new shift of mindset has wholly usurped what existed before, but I will say, I won’t stop trying! I also recently received an ADHD diagnosis, which gave me abundant clarity in my troubles, as apparently those with an ADHD mind are more prone to focusing on the negative (Robin Brennan, LCMFT).Â
If you have read this whole thing but are still stuck on who in the world the “White Wolf” is, I can now tell you: A Cherokee proverb states that inside there are two wolves, a white one who is joy, love and peace and a black one who is anger, ego and greed. The wolf that you feed is the one that wins.