She observes the amount of bananas in a stranger’s grocery basket, counts each individual lash placed on the eyelid of a person she loves, and numbers every single kitchen utensil over and over again.
It’s as simple to describe how these anxious manifestations provide the subject with a sense of safety. I saw fear transpire into forms of counting while she claimed it as an expression of control.
At this year’s Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), I was comforted and yet unexpectedly moved by Marcelle Lunam’s film Addition.
Addition is not your typical romance film where the story’s main plot is challenged between love and heartbreak. It instead focused on how anxiety has a hold on the main protagonist, Grace and how it dares her in day-to-day living.
From articulately choosing an outfit each morning, going into panic at a café searching for an empty chair, or getting in a heated dispute with a family member, I have come to analyze the way in which anxiety manifests outside of the weight in which romantic attachment holds onto individuals.
There will always come a day when you will need to confront the firm beating in your chest that alienates you from the world around you. It may make you feel like you are unlike the rest, even otherly, but it’s certainly possible to overcome.
However after viewing this film, I’ve realized that this sensation is primarily driven by fear. You will soon be able to look at what has passed and recognize who you are.
The plot is carried through her love interest and the way Grace’s anxiety peaks out while she is in their presence. However, I still witnessed the way she interacts with the broader world around her — outside of the boundaries that romantic attachment puts someone in.
Love can reveal itself beyond the idea of becoming someone’s entire world, and this is evident through the character finding herself near the end of the film. After facing the burdens created by her own mind, Grace continues to work herself out of personal chaos, concluding that her obsession with security does not truly protect her.
Ultimately, “Life is made up of thousands of fleeting moments, and if you don’t pay attention to make them count, you can miss it; you can miss your whole life.”