It’s almost that time of the year when the turkey takes the main stage: Thanksgiving. Of course, this is a time to give thanks to the people we love and cherish, but sometimes, making time for our loved ones can be a complicated process, especially when you have to split time between your and your partner’s families.
Planning all of the family gatherings can be quite the hassle, and even hosting Thanksgiving can be a lot for anyone to handle. It’s already difficult to plan when everyone’s free or what everyone is bringing to the table, but to add fuel to the fire, managing the schedules of your partner’s family can be another big responsibility that can make things extra complicated.
What if your partner’s family wants more time? What happens when you and your partner’s families live in completely different areas? Contemplating these things can be stressful, and differences in traditions, food, and other central aspects of Thanksgiving can add to the stress as well. Luckily though, I spoke with relationship coach Kayden Roberts about how to split Thanksgiving with your partner and ensure that you can make time for both families. After all, the holidays should be enjoyable, not overwhelming!
Talking about splitting Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a hard conversation.
When talking with your partner about splitting time, it’s important to be open-minded and plan ahead. “I think the best way to approach this conversation is to set aside time well before the holiday, allowing space for open dialogue without the pressure of the moment,” Roberts says. “Begin by acknowledging the importance of each other’s families and express a desire to make a plan that feels fair.”
Communicating with your partner about both of your needs is essential. Not speaking up for what you want will only result in resentment and unnecessary stress; you should feel comfortable enough to vocalize your needs and be able to listen openly to what your partner likes as well.
“It’s helpful to frame the conversation around mutual respect and collaboration, such as saying, ‘I really want us to find a way to spend time with both of our families in a way that works for both of us,’” Roberts adds. “Consider each family’s traditions and geographic distance as factors in your discussion and agree on a plan that honors both families while keeping stress levels low for you as a couple.”
Of course, sometimes things don’t align when it comes to dividing time up; everyone has their own preferences, and when there’s a lot of disagreement over things like dates, events, or even food, things can get a lot more complicated.
“When families demand more time or have different expectations around Thanksgiving, it’s super important to establish boundaries with kindness and empathy,” Roberts says. “For example, you can say, ‘We love spending time with you during the holidays, but we also need to make time for [partner’s name] family. Here’s what we’re thinking for this year.’”
With all of the preparation that comes with Thanksgiving, the holiday stress can really take a toll, so make sure that you’re being realistic about your plans. Don’t overwork yourself, and if everything begins to feel like too much, then it’s okay to prioritize your well-being; staying organized and taking time for self-care can help manage your stress better.
There are a variety of ways to split Thanksgiving with your partner’s family.
While it can be a stressful process, there are plenty of ways to split time between families while making everyone happy. “To make both families feel included, consider alternating holidays, or splitting the day, perhaps lunch with one family and dinner with another if they’re close enough to each other,” Roberts says. Dedicating specific times for each family can work out smoothly if time permits and if everyone lives relatively close by, but of course, there are other options if these don’t work for either family. “Alternatively, consider celebrating with one family on the actual day and the other during the weekend. Virtual visits or setting up a joint celebration could also be a fun way to blend traditions.”
Planning everything out can be stressful, and sometimes, not everyone can get what they want. However, it’s all about being willing to compromise and find solutions so that everyone is happy. When it comes to speaking with your partner about Thanksgiving plans, both of you should be able to clearly communicate with one another about what you both want.
So, for those of you who are just about starting to plan your Thanksgiving with your partner, keep these tips in mind when it comes to scheduling your time. Having an open dialogue and being honest about what you want goes a long way — trust me.