It’s my senior year of college. As I look back at my time at Northeastern, I feel an overwhelming amount of emotions. Each year brought new experiences and each year I grew as an individual.
My freshman year: The year of new beginnings. I always knew I was ready for college, feeling ready for the fresh start, the independence, the new friends I would make, the exciting clubs I would join, studying new topics… However, when I got to Northeastern, all that excitement quickly diminished and I fell into a massive wave of depression. Talking to anyone… literally, anyone sucked the life out of me. Making plans, no matter how simple, was a large effort. I rarely participated in the clubs I joined. I didn’t go out. Northeastern was a school I quickly wanted to transfer out of. Toward the end of the school year, breakup #1 happened with my long-distance boyfriend from high school. This was good for me. It forced me to focus more attention on my school instead of escaping to go visit him or call him. The end of the year became a little better after that but I was still a version of myself that I never had hoped to be: lonely and miserable, but trying. Truly trying.
My sophomore year: The day I moved back into college and into a new dorm, I broke out in hives all over my body. I was so stressed. I tried to act like I was excited but I already missed home. I started dating a new guy over the summer and was going to be doing long-distance yet again. I didn’t want to be there. I still had thoughts of transferring but I tried to tell myself to stick it out. I started the year with the same major but dropped the clubs I was a part of in freshman year. I joined a new club where I started to feel at home and made one of my best friends to this day. I later worked at my first co-op working in the insurance department and I learned that I would never work in that field again. During the middle of the year, I decided to change my major from Psychology to Communications and Media Studies, a field I was much more passionate about. I still greatly struggled with the idea of friends but had a bit more support. This year, I took myself off campus as much as I could and walked a mile away to a coffee shop every day. This was something that healed me. I also started my own social media pages — an outlet for me to express myself and something that took up time and distracted me from feeling upset. By the end of this year, things were certainly better, but I still didn’t love it there.
My junior year: The year things changed. I moved into an actual off-campus apartment and felt like more of an adult. Friendships started to click. Reaching out to people was much easier and I made two new best friends. I went on coffee walks with more girls from my club, trying to connect with other like-minded people. I started expressing myself through my clothing and finding the style that made me feel more confident. I was still going to coffee shops but now with friends and still sometimes alone, balancing my friendships and individual relationships. Weekends got more exciting. My roommate and I hosted parties. I was exploring more of the city, making social media content in my free time and even being invited to other friend’s plans. I loved the classes I was taking (except for math) and actually enjoyed the work. However, in February, breakup #2 happened. This led to a new phase of me that was a bit more hectic: going out more and not taking as much time as I used to for myself. I became a person that needed to be surrounded by others 24/7 and lost touch with myself. I missed the balance of my time with friends. At the end of the school year, I decided to spend the summer in Boston. I extended my second co-op and worked and took classes. My roommate would not be here and many of my friends were also going home. It was a very lonely summer but one of immense healing and regaining my true character.
Senior Year: Well, we’ve arrived at the present haven’t we? This is the happiest I’ve ever been. I love my classes, have the most solid group of friends here, and am working on my own social media content every day like it’s a full-time job. I’m still working at my co-op, but part-time after classes each day. I’m so busy, but love the structure. I love this school and the opportunities it has brought me: becoming a social media ambassador working on events like the Beanpot and filming content when Gronk came to speak here… I love Her Campus and love the girls in it. Most importantly, I go to bed each night so excited to wake up the next day. I’m so excited. And while so much in front of me is uncertain: What job I’ll work next year, where I’ll be living, etc… I feel so hopeful and so grateful. I am looking forward to the rest of this school year and can confidently say that by the time graduation comes, I will have immensely sad feelings about leaving such a wonderful four years behind. And how beautiful is that? To be so sad to leave something so wonderful behind is something only a really lucky person can say.