Lavender Marriages are thought to be something of the past, however, recent Tiktok trends have suggested that this dynamic is resurfacing through a new Gen Z lens; this is quite unexpected and with many of us not having previously heard of lavender marriages, this revival is stirring up a lot of feelings and ideas surrounding LGBTQ+ culture and the future of relationships. In this article, I will be analyzing the historic roots of lavender marriages and why they are seeming more attractive given the current state of society.
Lavender Marriages are a historic concept originating from the early 20th century Hollywood culture. Traditionally, these marriages served as a form of protection and concealment – anatomically, they often were constructed by uniting LGBTQ+ people with a partner of the opposite gender to form a seemingly heterosexual relationship. This could either be two LGBTQ+ people, often thought to be a gay man and a lesbian, or just one LGBTQ+ person with a partner of the opposite gender who is aware of this arrangement. These marriages are often thought to have been organized by various Hollywood studios themselves as maintaining a heterosexual image was imperative due to the risk of losing work because of coming out. Therefore, the main goal of these relationships was to prevent or cease rumours surrounding the sexual identities of those involved – effectively putting on a façade of heterosexuality to conform to the heteronormative world. While outwardly the couple would have acted like any other couple – engaging in displays of romantic affection, forming a life together, even having children – the relationship itself would be platonic and have no romantic grounding. Ultimately, it was a marriage of convenience built around avoiding social backlash and homophobia.
However, since the popularization of these lavender marriages in the 20th century, there have been further developments for LGBTQ+ rights and the lessening of homophobia and transphobia in society. Since 1980, there has been a global increase in the average acceptance level of LGBTQ+ people, alongside a steady incline in the amount of people identifying as LGBTQ+. With the Netherlands legalizing same-sex marriage in 2001, more countries have followed suit and now there are 36 countries where legal unions are possible for people in LGBTQ+ relationships. This positive development is particularly clear for countries such as the UK, Canada, Sweden, Norway and the Netherlands. Fortunately, because of this, more people feel comfortable expressing their identity outwardly, marrying their same-sex partner and refusing to make themselves invisible by hiding in a heteronormative relationship. Therefore, for the western world, lavender marriages have seemed to fade out as more people opt for marrying who they truly love instead of conforming to societal expectations.
Despite this, we are starting to see a new emergence of the concept of lavender marriages, leaving many of us wondering why this is happening. The 27-year-old American singer and content creator, Robbie Scott, seems to have had some involvement in the current trend emerging. In a viral TikTok, receiving a whopping 5.6 million views and 1 million likes, he states that he is ‘taking applications for a lavender marriage’. He lays out what he brings to the table, good and bad, and what he expects his potential wife to do, including: ‘marry [him] so [he] can afford to pay a mortgage, utilities and taxes’, ‘have fun, live your best life’ and ‘show up with your half’ when it comes to bills. He states that ‘you won’t be dealing with any bullsh*t planned incompetence’ as he knows how to clean and cook for himself, and that his wife would not have to act like his mother. He finishes the video by emphasising multiple times that it is ‘not a joke’ and that he is serious about this decision, and while it can be perceived as a light-hearted video, it depicts several issues that Gen Z are experiencing with the current living situation and dating scene.
From this video, issues surrounding economic wellbeing have been bought to light. With three in ten of us saying we do not feel financially secure, it is hard to imagine a future where just one income would be able to afford the necessities in daily life, let alone any desirable extras. The economy across the board is at the front of Gen Z’s minds – the cost of living outranks other issues such as climate change, unemployment, mental health, and personal safety by a wide margin. Statistics have also shown that today it is tougher than ever to achieve financial independence due to the cost-of-living crises in recent years, a weak wage growth in the past decade and living standards becoming stagnant. However, this difficulty in becoming financially independent could also be exacerbated by the delay in marriage we observe in younger generations. With most of Gen Z predicted to be marrying in their early thirties, the goal of having two incomes to live off has been delayed. And while some are optimistic about the future economy, an overwhelming sense of uncertainty remains: therefore, lavender marriages would be a solution to this by offering the chance of financial stability.
Additionally, Robbie Scott’s TikTok does acknowledge issues of gender and marriage by referencing the concept of ‘planned incompetence’, aka weaponized incompetence. Weaponized incompetence is known to be a way of avoiding responsibility by pretending to be incapable or inept at a specific task so someone else decides to do it instead. Often this occurs in marriages, leaving the partner who ends up doing most of the work feeling tired and isolated. This is a particular concern for women – with household chores traditionally being seen as a women’s domain, men, even now, still try to get out of helping with the housework. This results in 63% of women saying they do more than their fair share of the housework and 32% of men admitting they do less than they should be doing. For many women, this is a nightmare that frankly we do not have any intention of getting into; most women now have fulfilling careers and do not want to be coming home to a dirty house and a massive to-do list that their husband ‘forgot existed’. Therefore, a lavender marriage with a man who agrees to and does split the household chores 50/50 seems like a dream come true.
Overall, lavender marriages offer a solution to a lot of issues Gen Z are currently facing when it comes to their futures; so, will you be joining those taking applications?