Have you ever wondered which research lab-related thing you are according to your zodiac? Here is a very odd and existential horoscope with vague allegories and satire.
Aries – Animal Work
Working with animals is no joke. There are so many training and regulations for you to even become certified. Then comes the “part” which might involve harvesting or other experimentations conducted on such organisms. Regardless, it requires assertiveness and a level of detachedness to properly work in this field.
Taurus – Pouring Agar Plates
The smell of warm agar or even the organisms in which you grow on such plates may produce a particular smell. One research associate may even stay up late in the night to check on these plates and grow hungry at the smell of this substance – something high in calories almost tempting enough to take a bite into it. But, alas, eating –especially eating your experiment – in the lab is prohibited.
Gemini – Centrifuge
Spin, spin spin. This machine spins so fast that if you look at it (not that you can) you will not be able to tell when one full rotation has occurred. This may represent the restless thoughts in your head, always spinning. Forever pondering what to eat, what you have to do next, and what you should do in the 30 seconds you have left to centrifuge your items. Too many decisions and thoughts in too little time.
Cancer – Kimtech Wipes
The go-to wipe in the lab! Also the most abundant and expensive. These wipes are good for wiping glass without leaving any residue and absorbing liquid. Although they do not absorb liquid as well as their other napkin counterparts, they are doing their best. They feel rough to the touch, but in an emergency, can wipe even tears efficiently. Warning, a stray tear may escape due to its absorbing capability.
Leo – Pipette
The pipette is the star of the show and one can be found in less than 5 seconds in a research lab. They take on many forms that look very appealing. A pink one, or one with multiple channels, or even a serological one. The possibilities are endless and this device loves to dress up, but at the end of the day, at its core, the function is all the same. Everybody loves them and can’t live without at least a collection of them.
Virgo – Data Analysis
The backbone/foundation of research and also one that no one talks about. Data analysis involves looking at the computer for maybe a couple of hours, staring at an Excel sheet, painstakingly drawing circles and adjusting images in ImageJ, crunching numbers and so much to the point that when you lift your head up, it’s night already. It’s hard, honest work.
Libra – Cell Culture
Balance is key when it comes to cell culture, and I’m not talking about scales and mass. No. You must carefully consider the cell type and the amount of media, PBS, Trypsin-EDTA, and even coating of your plate. After that, the balance game comes out. How much should you split so that you can leave it for a certain period of time, how much media do you add or take off. As a liquid handling robot, you must balance all forces so that your cells are in balance and thus happy.
Scorpio – Transfection
Transfection is a form of invasion. A foreign DNA, not typically found in a cell is introduced and taken in by the unsuspecting cell. While it may not always be harmful, invasion is invasion at the end of the day. Mysterious and quiet. You do your work in the span of a couple hours – maybe throughout the night. You might be a virus, or simply something surrounded by a lipid membrane.
Sagittarius – Liquid Nitrogen Tank
It’s exciting, no? Being a canister full of ice cold gas. You go off and scare people in the lab by releasing gas at the most random times of the day. But it’s to relieve the pressure. You need to release the pressure by playing with people’s emotions. And when the time comes and we need you, you’re opened up and all that gas is moved elsewhere, leaving you a little emptier than before. But it’s okay. You’ll spend your days releasing your pressure periodically before someone will help you again to relieve it.
Capricorn – Bench work
Sometimes monotonous work can keep you grounded. Keeps your mind off of stuff and acts as a destressor. You can put some headphones on and just have at it. It’s just you at the bench with your reagents. You’ll get up and move around, grabbing some bottles, maybe light a bunsen burner, but in the end, you will see yourself in the black countertop’s reflection, reminding you of what you were doing and where you are.
Aquarius – Microscopy
Colorful stringy shapes amidst a black background, blue blobs surrounded by red specks freckled around it, all of these visages appear alien yet captivating to you. You don’t know why you’re drawn to it, but you can’t help but lose yourself in the darkness of that room. With the food shut and the hours ticking by, your eyes are glued to the screen and the consistent clicks that fill the silence of the room.
Pisces – Refrigerator
Always there, carrying the foundation of an experiment. Most people take for granted a refrigerator and when it’s gone or malfunctioning, everybody is in scrambles, frantically trying to save their experiments and moving it elsewhere. Despite going unnoticed and underappreciated for so long, the -80°Cs, and 4 °Cs, keep on running and working hard to keep things harmonious. Their cousins, the cold room, are loud when things go wrong, so at least someone knows how to advocate for themselves.