Edited By: Sreenandana S Nair
Love, or rather, ideal love is depicted as a beautiful everlasting connection with someone. One with whom you stick through the test of time. People say the best kind of love is when you grow old together, when you go through life’s ups and downs and finally reach the final stages of it hand in hand. Who doesn’t yearn for this kind of love? Yet, I can’t help but wonder if it’s truly that simple. Can we really seamlessly settle into a happy, fulfilling relationship once we find someone who’s perfect for us? Is it possible to shed layers of trauma and conditioning the moment we meet “the one”? And can we truly commit when the fear of doing so has haunted us all our lives? The reality is often more complex, as the journey to love requires more than just finding the right person (if there is one at all), it demands healing, growth, and overcoming the deep-seated fears and traumas that have held us back.
Now, imagine meeting someone perfect for you in every sense. You enjoy talking to them, and spending time together feels effortless. They constantly reassure you, leaving no room for doubt about their feelings. They make time for you and openly communicate their emotions and issues. They embody what a secure relationship should be. Despite all this, you feel repelled by the thought of commitment. It feels claustrophobic, and being single seems so much easier. What do you do then? Do you let go of this relationship and continue to feel miserable about being single, even though it means not being accountable for anyone else’s feelings? These conflicting emotions often lead us to question whether we’re letting our past interfere with our present or if we’re simply not meant for monogamy.
But my issue is with that feeling. The feeling of being icked out, of instantly feeling disconnected from the other person. Why does that happen, where does that stem from? For those who have experienced or witnessed difficult or traumatic relationships in the past, the idea of committing to someone, even someone seemingly perfect can be terrifying. These experiences leave behind scars that can make the very thought of being in a relationship suffocating. The fear of repeating old patterns, being hurt, and losing yourself in the process, can overshadow the potential for happiness. Even when you meet someone who ticks all the right boxes, and offers the security and stability you crave, the fear of commitment can rear its head, making it difficult to fully embrace the relationship.
The “ick” factor—a sudden feeling of discomfort or repulsion at the thought of being tied down to someone, no matter how perfect they seem is a reaction to this. This reaction often stems from a deep-rooted fear of losing oneself in a relationship, of being vulnerable and dependent, or of being accountable to someone else’s emotions, in turn affecting yours. The idea of being single, with all its freedom and lack of emotional responsibility, starts to seem much more appealing. After all, when you’re single, you don’t have to worry about someone else’s feelings and you’re not obligated to make room for someone else in your life. The thought of escaping that pressure can be incredibly tempting.
It’s important to acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with being single, nor is being in a relationship the only path to happiness. However, it’s crucial to be honest with ourselves: are we choosing to remain single, or are we avoiding commitment out of fear? If it’s the latter, it’s worth reflecting on our choices and how we approach relationships. Often, we allow our relationships to become the focal point of our lives, which can be unhealthy. Just like our careers, hobbies, and friendships, romantic relationships are just one aspect of our lives.
The moment we identify as someone else’s “better half”, we risk losing our sense of self. In a healthy relationship, you should remain whole, not diminish yourself to fit into someone else’s life. Needing someone or becoming overly dependent on them is not a sign of a strong, healthy relationship. Instead, true love is about maintaining your individuality while sharing your life with another person.
It’s easy to get swept up in the romantic ideals portrayed in movies, where love is often depicted as an all-consuming force. But real life isn’t a movie—relationships aren’t about spending every waking moment together or constantly being in each other’s presence. Love doesn’t require constant contact or validation. A strong relationship thrives on mutual respect, independence, and trust, where both partners support each other’s growth rather than suffocate each other’s space. By recognizing that romantic relationships should be treated like any other important aspect of life—with balance, boundaries, and a sense of perspective—loving and being loved can become a more natural, fulfilling experience. It’s about finding joy in the connection without losing yourself in it. When we approach love this way, we can build healthier, more sustainable relationships that enhance our lives rather than define them.
Like Carl and Ellie from Up, love is about the adventures you embark on together, not just the ones that make it into the photo album. Carl and Ellie didn’t need grand gestures or constant reassurances; their love was built on shared dreams, mutual respect, and the ability to let each other grow. Even when life didn’t go as planned, they found joy in the small moments and supported each other throughout. So, whether you’re soaring to new heights in a relationship or enjoying the single life, remember: it’s not about finding someone to complete your journey, but someone who makes the ride worthwhile.