As we transition into the winter months, where Northern cities are submerged in a blanket of darkness that gives its residents a taste of seasonal depression, I thought I would impart on the world a few tips I’ve learned through my therapy sessions over the years. I am not an expert in the field of mental health by any means, but these five tips have carried me through some difficult seasons and have made day-to-day tasks that were hard at one point, a little easier.
- Box Breathing
I know it sounds simple, but box breathing might be your back pocket trick to lower your heart rate when emotions run high. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, out for four counts, hold for four counts. As you do this, let your body relax, lower your shoulders, fill your belly with air, and close your eyes. There will always be another stressor around the corner, but you can take them one by one, especially when you remember to breathe.
- “It’s not a priority”
I know that many people feel buried by their schedules, and as a senior college athlete and working student, I understand the feelings of overwhelm that come with a long and constant to-do list. I’ve recently struggled with how to prioritize my homework when time is running short, and I often feel awful using the excuse “I don’t have time!”. The truth is, we do and will make time for the things that are really important, so if we’re finding that we don’t “have” time for something, maybe it’s just not a priority. In a moment of stress, having the ability to say to myself “this is not a priority” is a freeing way to take responsibility for the thing I let go, but also decide that I’m okay with not prioritizing it. If I say this phrase and it doesn’t sit right with me, then that is an indicator that it is time for a change.
Last week I canceled plans because I needed to prioritize my homework, then the next week I looked at my to-do list and decided it could wait until tomorrow. Saying “this is not a priority right now” allowed me the freedom to be present with my parents who were visiting for the weekend, knowing my priorities could re-order the next day.
- Ground yourself
As we transition into the darker months, we also move into the densest holiday season. With Thanksgiving in the U.S., then Christmas, then New Years, there are lots of opportunities to be with friends and family who we all love and cherish, but they can also bring stress and baggage. When I find myself in moments of panic, sometimes with an elevated heart rate or a wave of unexplainable emotion, I try to do something that brings me back to earth.
A quick tactic to jolt yourself out of a panic could be to splash cold water on your face, or eat something sour; doing something tactile can remind you where you are and that you are okay. Then I go down this list, reconnecting with my surroundings.
5 things I see: the leaves falling outside, the fuzzy carpet, the shadows on the floor, the pillows on my bed, the keys on my computer.
4 things I feel: my soft corduroy pants, the hard wood of my desk, the cold metal of my chair arms, the bumpy pattern on my blanket.
3 things I hear.
2 things I smell.
1 thing I taste.
Listing these things in my head, or even aloud, takes a minute of focus and concentration. It takes observation and a quiet mind to focus on something other than the stressor at hand. Going through the list reminds me: I am present, I am here, I am okay.
- 3 Cs
When you are dealing with a situation out of your control, remember: I didn’t cause it, I cannot control it, and I cannot cure it. This may be necessary when you step into a family reunion with a difficult relative, or when an unexpected event occurs. It is easy to go into “fix-it” mode, however, when a situation is truly out of my hands, attempting to fix it tends to make my anxiety greater. If I take steps to accept what I cannot control I find that peace and serenity become more accessible.
- Rest
“When you aren’t very busy, you need 30 minutes of quiet time, when you are really busy, you need an hour.” I have heard many different versions of this saying, but the point is: people need rest. Many religions prioritize some sort of quiet time or meditation. The Hebrew Bible promotes the practice of tithing, where you give 10% of your wealth to God. But this can be said for time too. The idea is that God will do more with the 90% you have after you give up 10%, than you could have done with 100% on your own. Even if you are not a religious person, it is a generally accepted belief that people who work 24/7 find quick burnout. Protect the time you need to rest. If it takes you away from your family or friends for an hour, so be it. Chances are, that hour you spend away will make the hours you spend with them a lot more worthwhile.
Anxiety lives in the future, depression lives in the past, and “today is a gift, which is why we call it the present” to quote Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda. I know it is easier said than done, finding peace and joy in the months that possibly bring the most anxiety and depression. I am certainly not perfect at keeping calm and positive; but I am tired of letting my anxiety rob me of peace. Practicing these simple tactics has helped me take some power back and control what I can while letting go of the rest. Hopefully some of these speak to you and lead to a more stress free holiday season!