My life has revolved around a tiny pill since the ninth grade. A medication that was prescribed to me as a safe and effective way to regulate my periods and calm my acne-prone skin.
Although the birth control pill was meant to make my life easier, my journey with the pill feels as if it has been nothing but torture. As a disclaimer, this article is not meant to serve as medical advice but rather my personal story on how the birth control pill has taken control of my mind and body.
I began taking the birth control pill during my freshmen year of high school. I originally started taking the pill because of my harsh acne and painful, heavy periods. I can admit that I didn’t take it the way I was supposed to, skipping days and taking it at random times, but my first time on the pill was fine until it wasn’t.
A couple of years into the pill, I began feeling nauseous and had stomach issues almost every day. My mood would also change quickly, often turning angry, and I felt as if my own emotions were no longer in my control. However, a plus was that my skin was clear and my periods were much lighter, but I decided that at this point, the bad outweighed the good and that the pill was no longer necessary. So, I cut myself off cold turkey (DON’T DO THIS!) and felt much more in control.
I know that the reason why I felt so out of control for so many months after quitting was my fault, even though my emotions eventually evened out. I finished my last high school years and finally felt like myself again. After this realization, I swore to myself that I would never use hormonal birth control again.
As I entered my first year of college, I discovered almost everyone I knew who was on the pill had nothing good to say about it, and I didn’t want to experience what I went through in high school. Except my skin and period issues we’re coming back in full swing.
At the time, I just blamed it on being under a lot of stress and anxiety, but I began to consider restarting the pill. I ended my first year of college, starting to feel less great about myself, and I knew that something had to change. Â
I started back on birth control in July of this year, and it has taken over my life. Every day that goes by, I start feeling less and less like myself in more extreme ways than I ever did in high school.
I was recently diagnosed with depression, and I knew that I needed to get help and find answers. My weight has gone up while my confidence has gone down, but at least I have a little bit of clearer skin, even if it means that it feels as if my life has been taken entirely out of my hands.
A few days ago, while I was at my gynecologist appointment, I practically begged the doctor to take me off the pill because of the way I had been feeling and because of my worsening depression. My doctor suggested the patch version of birth control as they believed that it would help me regulate my symptoms and stop my hormones from heavily affecting my mental health. So, now I’m waiting over the next four months, praying that the patch helps me start feeling in control of my life and mental health again.
As a reminder, birth control is different for everyone, and my experience isn’t meant to scare you but rather to help inform you. There are so many other forms of birth control out there, and the first one you try doesn’t have to be the one you stick with. Make sure to do your research and speak with your gynecologist if you’re looking to try any type of birth control, and be safe!