Remember that iconic scene in Legally Blonde? Elle Woods, impeccably dressed in a bunny costume, attends a party in hopes of winning back her so-called ‘serious’ ex. He ended their relationship in search of someone he deemed ‘smart,’ but in his eyes, Elle was merely the hot-bimbo sorority president, failing to embody his narrow definition of intelligence. Caught in a whirlwind of expectations, Elle felt this desperate urge to morph into his ideal woman, the one that would get his family’s seal of approval. Then came that fateful moment when she dared to mention her dreams of conquering Harvard Law. When she mentions her goal of getting into Harvard Law, he looks at her with that patronizing smile and says, ‘Come on, sweetheart, you know you’re not smart enough.’ At that moment, the truth hits her like a bolt of lightning: no amount of bending or reshaping would ever make her ‘enough’ for him. He had been blind to her worth from the very beginning, missing out on the brilliant, multifaceted woman standing right in front of him.
But there’s something else this scene taught me. People often overlook a woman’s intelligence, her ambitions, and her depth simply because she happens to look a certain way. It’s as if there are still people out there who can’t fathom that a woman can be both wildly fun and brilliantly intelligent like these qualities are somehow mutually exclusive. But here’s the thing: women are complex, layered, and captivating—capable of being smart and sexy, driven and carefree, all at once. Elle’s story isn’t just about proving herself to others; it’s about showing us we don’t need to apologize for being a beautiful contradiction.
In that scene, Elle understands that seeking his acceptance and respect isn’t worth the effort, because she isn’t, and will never be, the girl for him. Though heartbroken, she decides to embrace her own potential. She scores a 179 on the LSAT, gets into Harvard, and ultimately graduates as valedictorian of her class, unlike her ex, who graduated with zero honors and a big slap in the face. Every young girl who watches that scene can relate to her journey, understanding that no one else, especially no man, gets to define their worth or potential.
I’ve been Elle Woods or at least parts of her. In the realm of romance, we often find ourselves bending and reshaping our identities to fit another’s expectations, only to lose sight of our true selves in the process. This journey can lead us to overlook the people who genuinely support and uplift us, as we cling to the hope of validation from those who may never appreciate us. It’s a delicate balance—honoring our own values while navigating the complexities of relationships. But ultimately, we must remember that our worth is not defined by others; it is intrinsic and undeniable, waiting for the right person to recognize it.
It’s a tale as old as time, isn’t it? We’ve all been there, feeling like we’re somehow ‘too much’ or ‘not enough.’ ‘Too boring,’ ‘too outgoing,’ ‘too needy,’ ‘too independent,’ ‘too vulnerable’—labels that leave us twisting ourselves into versions we barely recognize, all for someone else. But darling, here’s what I’ve learned: you are perfectly, fabulously you. No edits, no filters. If someone can’t handle your spark, then they’re simply not your person. Because the right one? They’ll love every wild, messy, beautiful part of you. And that, honey, is as close to a guarantee as love can get.
Drawing from personal experience in a healthy relationship for the first time, I can confidently say there’s nothing more rewarding than finding a partner who embraces the ‘flaws’ a past relationship made you feel you had. Being loved for the parts of yourself that others may have overlooked or undervalued, and feeling truly seen in new ways, is an incredibly powerful experience.
Always remember, if they won’t fulfill this need, someone else will. Because somewhere out there is someone who’s ready to adore every inch of you—the way you were meant to be loved.