I always hear people identifying themselves based on whether or not they’re “afraid of confrontation.” At first, hearing it made sense to me, but as time has gone on I have begun to question the legitimacy of claiming that you are “afraid of confrontation.” If it isn’t clear already, I would put myself on the more “confrontational” end of the spectrum, but that isn’t even the way that I see it anymore. Despite the negative connotations that surround either side of this complicated equation, I have finally accepted that facing my issues is not something to be ashamed of.
In university, students are constantly navigating new situations and learning how to collaborate with each other when forming adult friendships and relationships, as well as learning to live with others while being self-sufficient. Amidst all of these new self-defining obstacles, collaboration with others is a common denominator. In turn, learning how to coexist with other people in adult settings requires many issues to be faced head-on, which makes the partial excuse of being afraid of confrontation not enough to cut it anymore. People have to bite the bullet and start facing that tribulation.
Upon living with other people, in-person communication has worked very well amongst my housemates and I. When an issue in the house starts to be consistent, we’re in the habit of nipping it in the bud immediately. Sometimes, this means having uncomfortable or tense conversations, but we’ve found it easier in the long run to face issues head-on, as opposed to talking about them with a ton of other people and letting everything boil up and make us even more frustrated.
Holding resentment for people or issues at this level is neither productive nor does it seem very fair. Who are you to be mad at someone for an issue that they might not even know is a problem? By addressing collaborative differences as they arise, it’s much easier to avoid big blow-ups and petty high school-like gossip. The same philosophy applies to more than just a living setting, as well. It’s crucial for functioning relationships to be able to have a comfortably curated environment in order to address concerns, work through issues, and foster productive and honest relationships.
In these instances, I hardly even consider the communication to be confrontational; and shying away from it would make it ten times more difficult to coexist with people. Confrontation doesn’t require a fight, nor does it require tension. The entire idea of confrontation should be reframed as what it truly is: communication. Communication is crucial in any collaborative setting, specifically adult ones. It isn’t a very honest way of living if you’re constantly avoiding issues that must be faced. It’s an active choice that has the ability to completely alter the comfort of your environments and relationships — who wants to dig themselves into that hole?
Maybe this is a bit of an intense mindset, but it’s also realistic. Being an adult means doing things that are hard and that you aren’t used to, but isn’t that also the beauty of independence? How will anyone learn to face challenges in life if they shy away from confronting any problem they have? Confrontation doesn’t have to be malicious, nor is it something that people need to be “afraid” of. If it makes you uncomfortable, consider how that may not actually be a bad thing. Discomfort will help you learn how to navigate difficult situations and make you generally more confident in your ability to do so. Regardless of what end of the “spectrum” you may find yourself on at this moment, it could be useful to examine how productive your methods of communication really are or how they could be improved. As adults, we should be living our lives to feel as comfortable and secure as possible, which means that confrontation isn’t something to be afraid of: it’s inevitable.