I get by with a little help from my friends! Literally!
“Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt from my long-term friendships with women.”
–Â Â Â Â Â Â Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love
The world we live in is full of love songs, romantic stories, and self-help content telling us to focus on ourselves, until we find the one. Modern media tends to preach a standard of self-improvement and isolation, with romantic love being the grand finale of our lives. Until we find “the one,” we should chip away at ourselves like a block of marble, gradually shaping ourselves into magnificent sculptures—beautiful and inherently worthy of love. Growing up with Disney films like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, I learned to hope for a prince to come save me, and that hope has lingered into the present. I’m always looking for the next romantic adventure that may cross my path, and I’m not here to discredit romance or the media surrounding it—romantic love dominates for a reason; it’s fun and inspires great art. But amid the conquests and crushes, there’s been one steady factor in my life that feels wrong to overlook: the love I have for my friends.
When I moved into my dorm in my first year of university, I packed a big box filled with books to occupy my time–just in case I didn’t make any friends. Four years later, and I’m grateful I can say that I was being overly cautious; the relationships I have built within these four years have been some of the most valuable of my life.
Like any relationship, making new friends always comes with a pinch of anxiety. Letting somebody get to know you on any level requires vulnerability and being yourself–two things that can make you feel awkward and insecure. Friendship can feel different after high school: when you see people daily, it develops naturally, but in university, it often requires a conscious effort to keep people in your life. While scheduling hangouts might seem daunting, maintaining these platonic relationships is one of the best decisions you can make—whether it’s with someone you’ve just met or a friend you’ve known your whole life.Building a community of platonic love in your life has so much value, and though it may be common knowledge that friendship is a good thing, I’m here to share some of the lessons my friends have taught me throughout university.
First of all, I’ve learned the importance of being able to share your experiences. As simple as that sounds, when negative things happen to me such as failing an exam, having someone laugh about the tragedy with you, or hold you while you cry is enlightening and necessary, it takes the power away from the situation.
Sometimes, going it alone is the answer, but being able to be vulnerable and share my sadness with friends has been a lifesaver amidst the changes in my life and psyche that university has brought. My university friendships have also taught me that change is essential for growth. For two years, I lived with some of my closest friends, and during that time, they called me out on more things than I could have imagined. Being resistant to changing your bad habits does more harm than good, and though sometimes their words were bitter, my friend told me truths I needed to hear.
They definitely made me a better person, just as I hope I did for them. Be open to being called out, because sometimes it’s what you need. We’re all a little toxic—it’s part of our humanity, and that’s what growth is for.
Finally, friendship teaches you your worth. I know authentic love exists, because I’ve experienced it with my friends. They send me letters, make time to do fun activities, and communicate clearly, setting healthy boundaries in our relationship. Because they have seen who I am, and still choose to love me, I have higher standards for the romance in my life. I will not settle for less!
Friendship, like anything in life, isn’t the sole source of growth or fulfillment. Friendships can cause stress, fluctuate, and even fail, just like everything else. My point is that friendship deserves an equal place alongside romance, especially in young adulthood. It is with my friends that I’ve been able to trial and error different versions of myself, and in turn I have taken a piece of every single one of them–whether it be a mannerism, makeup look, or a recipe.
The truth is, that nobody has it figured out in university, so we need to lean on each other for support. You don’t always have to strive to be an academic powerhouse or a perfect partner; sometimes, it’s enough just to share a laugh with a friend. In those moments of laughter and shared chaos, we often come to a better understanding of ourselves.