Having a neurodivergence like ADHD or Autism (or both, like me!) can feel isolating and overwhelming, and the move to university can make it feel like they’ve been heightened by one hundred per cent. Everything is so new and intense that it feels like your brain may never slow down again, but it will. I’m here to tell you that you are not alone in how you think and hopefully share some tips that I have found to be helpful!
Transition
The transition to university will be difficult for everybody; it’s an extreme life change with many new experiences and firsts. You’re meeting new people daily, navigating lectures and seminars, and having to entirely fend for yourself for the first time in your life; it is bound to be overwhelming. I found that freshers’ week was the hardest for me. There’s the feeling that you have to socialise constantly, meet everyone you can and go out every night. For me, that is just not conducive to how I function. I need time to recover, recharge, indulge in my hyper-fixations, and let myself be me for a bit. There’s this idea that you must click with everyone and ‘find your people’ as soon as possible, and I found myself not being true to myself to fit in. But I think it is so important to remember you will get there. You will meet people who feel like a bit of home, who let you be yourself. You need to be kind to yourself, take your time, and allow yourself the rest and time you need. Don’t burn yourself out to ‘keep up’, and I promise people will understand; even the people I’ve met who could go out every night in a row have never judged me for the fact I can’t. I have learnt people are more understanding than you expect, and if they’re not, you’ll find the people who are.
Routine and everyday life
One of the most important things for many neurodivergent people is routine, and university likes to take the idea of a routine and set it on fire. At first, it was surprising to me how little structure there was to my days, and I found myself almost floating about without knowing what I was doing or where I was going. I came from a gap year where I worked the same shifts every week for a year; I had coffee with my best friend every Wednesday at the same place, and I knew to expect meatballs and rice for dinner on a Wednesday. And then I moved to university, and suddenly, I didn’t even have the exact weekly timetable. I can be a spontaneous person, I have very little impulse control, and love new experiences and meeting new people, but all of that needs to be centred around a basic daily structure. I need some balance, and for people with autism, that is often very important. I have found the best way to achieve this is to create your routine. If you play a sport, you will have your practices and Wednesday socials, organise a study date at the same time each week with your friends, and create a meal plan so you know what to expect. All these little things that provide a pillar to your day can help to re-centre yourself when you feel like you’re spinning uncontrollably with nothing to ground you. The little things do help.
Motivation
At university, you feel like you have to do everything alone. After all, it is the first step to your independent adult life. For people with ADHD and Autism, this can feel overwhelming and incredibly tiring, leading to executive dysfunction. This is something I have struggled with and continue to struggle with a lot; I wake up and feel like it would be impossible to get out of bed, shower and get ready to go to my lecture. I will lie there until the very last moment, and even then, sometimes, that stress isn’t enough to get me up. I procrastinate essays and readings, decide what to eat and cook dinner, and even leave my flat to see my friends. There’s an overwhelming feeling of dread and guilt that I can’t bring myself to do what needs to be done, which adds to the cycle. When you’re experiencing this, it feels impossible that it could ever end, but it does. Eventually, I got up, even if I did miss a lecture or did not make it to the hangout, but you must be kind to yourself. It’s a lot, all of it, and if you don’t take the time you need, you will feel like you are falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. And unfortunately, you’re not Alice, and Wonderland won’t be at the bottom. Some of the things I’ve found that help has been to organise group meals with your flatmates or friends, work on essays with your course friends, move from your room to the kitchen, or even just do tedious chores with someone else. It’scalled body doubling, and even just sitting in the same room as someone else really does work to get me doing what I need to!
For external help, the wellbeing department is always there for you and will do its best to aid you in any way you need. At Exeter, there is an ADHD peer support group, and one of my favourites is the therapy dogs on campus once a week! Reach out if you need to; you’re not alone in this.
Overall, you are not alone. I’ve had conversations with people who understand how I feel to a tee, more so than anyone did at home. There is such a diverse array of people at university that you will meet your crowdand feel seen and understood. There will be difficult days and times, but you are not alone. I’ve said it many times, but that’s just because it is so important: be kind to yourselves! You know yourself and what you can handle better than anyone else; trust yourself!