Thinking thankfulness through

how to be thankful even when you’re not

There’s a lot in my life I’m not thankful for. 

I can see myself this Thanksgiving, gripping my sister’s hand, dreading the moment I’m asked the simple yet life-defining question of what are you thankful for? I can hear myself hesitate. Not because I’m not sure what to say but because I feel I’ve nothing to say. 

I look at my life and see problems in every department. School. Friendships. Family. Politics. Problems. Problems. Problems. There’s always something in my life I don’t want. And I think many of us feel the same way. 

So, before we either resort to a meaningless default response or alter the course of Thanksgiving meals forever by saying “pass,” let’s pause and think thankfulness through. 

Because you can be thankful—even when you’re not. It just might not show up in the way we expect. And, like anything, it takes practice. 

reevaluate your mindset.

You have something to be thankful for. Pause. Read that again. Now, remember it. That’s the first step to thankfulness—recognizing you are capable of it. You hold yourself back from a life and a version of yourself that’s thankful and appreciative of all the good, even if it’s small, when you adopt a mindset that says you have nothing to be thankful for. 

Believe me, I know the version of myself that feels burdened and overwhelmed by my problems very well. Recently, that version of myself has been spending too much time center stage in my mind. 

Reevaluating your mindset is not some quick flip-of-the-switch moment. It’s a process of recognizing when you’re falling into the anti-thankfulness trap and catching yourself before you can sink even deeper into it. 

Every day I try a little harder to nudge (or push) the anti-thankful person inside of me offstage. Some days I’m successful, some days I’m not. Still, you must try. Progress doesn’t exist without effort. After all, you can’t be thankful if you don’t believe you can be. 

Now pause. If you remembered what I told you, you’re probably wondering what is this “something” you’re supposedly thankful for. I promise you, it exists. 

think small-er.

You can be thankful for anything. While there are no guidelines as to what you can be thankful for, if you don’t know where to begin, start smaller. “Smaller” is there to remind you that what you’re thankful for doesn’t have to be something grand or meaningful. Sometimes, we spend so much time thinking about what we should be thankful for that we forget what we’re actually thankful for. 

Maybe you feel pressured to say you’re thankful for family at a table full of relatives or for friends at a Friendsgiving. You don’t have to feel this way. This is your Thanksgiving, your thankfulness. You define it; you alone give it meaning. So don’t hesitate to recognize what you want, such as the small wins or blessings in your life. 

These are a few smaller aspects of my life I’m thankful for that I always overlook:

• I’m thankful I woke up today.
• I’m thankful I ate breakfast. 
• I’m thankful for warm showers.
• I’m thankful for the walk to class.
• I’m thankful I can learn every day. 

This method might seem silly or meaningless, but it counts. Make it count. You can be thankful for anything. Thinking smaller alleviates the pressure of finding something to be thankful for and recenters thankfulness on what matters: you.

be specific.

You can be thankful for so much more than you think. True thankfulness is found in the details. It’s not just an act but also a feeling, and being specific helps you feel that. Dig deeper than your first, smaller thought by recognizing what other smaller positives make that first thought possible. 

I’m thankful I woke up today, leads to…

For example:

• I’m thankful for my warm sheets and cool pillow.
• I’m thankful for the laundry soap that keeps my sheets clean.
• I’m thankful for the laundry machines that were available that allowed me to clean my sheets. 

I’m thankful I ate breakfast today, leads to…

• I’m thankful for the chocolate muffin I ate today.
• I’m thankful I could afford a chocolate muffin today.
• I’m thankful I can appreciate a good chocolate muffin. 

I’m thankful for the walk to class, leads to…

• I’m thankful for the colorful fall leaves that decorate the sidewalks.
• I’m thankful for the fast walkers that didn’t make me late to class.
• I’m thankful for the cars that waited for me to cross the street. 

That’s a lot of thankfulness over waking up, eating breakfast and walking to class, but all of those statements are true! Being specific may take time, but it’s worth it. You learn to appreciate all you already do have rather than lamenting over all you wish you didn’t have. 

There’s a lot in my life I’m not thankful for. However, there’s also a lot in my life I am thankful for. I’m not saying to avoid all your problems this holiday. I just want you to recognize your life—your thankfulness—isn’t defined by them. 

This Thanksgiving, even though I may still be gripping my sister’s hand, I hope I’m not dreading the thankfulness question. Maybe I’ll say I’m thankful for the fact that my sister allows me to grip her hand this hard–it’s small, specific and I’m thankful for it. 

At the end of the day, thankfulness is a choice. It’s not always the easiest one, but it’s a worthwhile choice for you, nonetheless. I hope you’ll choose thankfulness and let this Thanksgiving be different. 

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