The Reality Of Surviving Fall Quarter As A Freshman: Scary!

The first ten weeks of college were my long haul. Fall quarter was my great war. I was in the trenches.

As many are discovering for the first time during the fall season, notoriously sunny Santa Barbara is not all warm days and endless sunshine through the months of October and December. The sun sets at 5p.m., it’s always windy, it’s cold, the air is dry, and someone is always sick. As a freshman adjusting to college, that was the perfect recipe for disaster. 

The first few weeks of my freshman year were great. I reveled in my new found independence, with few responsibilities and loads of free time. It wasn’t until a few weeks into the quarter that I realized I was actually quite lonely (awkward). 

The issue wasn’t lack of friendships, more so lack of quality friendships that mirrored the bonds between me and my hometown friends. In all honesty, I just missed my two best friends and core friend group back home. The never-ending free time suddenly at my disposable meant I simply had more time to reminisce and wonder why I hadn’t formed close college friendships. The answer was simple: I had known my college friends for about five weeks, while I have literally grown up for over seven years with my hometown friends.

Admittedly, I started disregarding my newly formed college friendships, thinking that I didn’t need to form close bonds with them because I would always be able to go home to the people I loved the most. While true – my hometown friends will always be in my life – it is so difficult to feel at home in a place where you only have casual friendships. I wasn’t making an effort to hang out with anyone outside of class or clubs, resulting in my weekends being mainly spent alone, either in my dorm or on nature walks around campus. 

The highlights of my week would include my scheduled group Facetime calls with aforementioned hometown friends and daily phone calls with my mom. This was strange to me because while I had expected to miss my family to some extent when I moved, I had never imagined to be as homesick as I was one year ago. 

Suddenly, I found myself dreading each weekend that I wouldn’t be able to go home. So much so that I started toying with the idea of potentially transferring to UCLA ,which, if you know me, you know that was one of the UCs I purposely didn’t apply to because I wanted to move away from LA. That decision senior-year-me made started to feel like one of my biggest regrets come Thanksgiving break.

I missed my friends. I missed my family. I missed my dog. I missed my city. Safe to say, I was not taking the adjustment to college very well. It was especially hard to see the people around me forming their college friend groups and posting them on social media. It was difficult not to compare my experience to theirs. 

I counted down the days until my last fall quarter final, which, to my luck, was on the Friday of finals week. Looking forward to winter break was the only thing that pushed me to get through fall quarter last year without crashing out completely. When I reunited with my best friends at the Bay Cities Italian Deli and Bakery in Santa Monica, it truly felt like magic. I was a whole new person. I regained the color in my face. 

But, winter break also served as a time to reflect on the hell that had been fall quarter. 

Had I been mildly depressed? Yes. Was it a treacherous ten weeks? Yes. Would I ever want to relive that era again? F*ck no. Had I been closed minded and closed-off? A little bit, yes. Did I hate UCSB? Even after all that, not exactly. 

For some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling of how excited I had been coming into college and the pure enthusiasm I felt the first week of school. UCSB hadn’t been my top choice — I still have unresolved beef with Berkeley — but I fell in love with the campus when I visited for the first time after I was accepted. I could see myself falling in love with the school, and living the college life I had dreamed of. I wasn’t ready to give up on that dream despite the nightmare that was fall quarter. 

Thankfully, the earliest I would have been able to fill out a transfer application for UCLA would have been this November, so regardless, I would have had to push through my winter and spring quarter last year. That was enough time to change my mind, and I’m better off for it. 

Winter quarter was still a little rough, but not nearly as bad as fall quarter. It wasn’t until spring quarter that I started to feel at home on campus and really form close friendships. This quarter, I would say I am thriving! 

All this to say, freshman year, especially fall quarter, can be intense. Not everyone is going to take the adjustment to college well and it will get dark at 5pm (I hate daylight savings!). The best advice I can give to anyone experiencing something similar is to just thug it out. In a school of 20,000 students, you are bound to find your place, it just might take a little bit of time.

I can confidently say that I have met great friends at this school who have made the freshman year fall quarter hellscape worth it. The first ten weeks of college may have been my great war, but I did survive. I made it out of the trenches. I pushed through and it paid off.

• #freshman year
• college
• life
• mental health