Okay, I admit it, I’m starting to feel the end of fall semester slumps. My work ethic has gone down the toilet, the sun disappears behind the Allegheny mountains at 4 p.m., and if I have to respond to one more email, my head is going to tip over and my brain is going to leak out (sorry, that’s graphic).Â
Unfortunately, this is the same time in which the healthy habits I’ve been working up all semester start to get shaky. Getting up to go to the gym gets increasingly more difficult, I have no fruit in the fridge, and my screen time is… actually, I won’t be sharing that shameful piece of information.Â
To sum it up: I am tired.
But, as the saying goes, “the grind don’t stop.” We are at the final push of the semester – the dreaded week preceding and proceeding Thanksgiving break.Â
Something I’ve been trying more lately to get through this positively awful time of year is journaling. I don’t use any prompts or anything. The only rule is that there are no rules: no rules about organization, content, length, pen color, nada. And to make things even better, I encourage myself to write messy, to make mistakes and cross things out and simply acknowledge that it’s literally my own personal journal, and it can be a hot mess and I won’t lose points. Seriously, why am I freaking out about a spelling error IN MY OWN JOURNAL? WHO CARES?!
Anyways, back in October, I was having a particularly difficult day. So, I decided I was going to write a list of all the things I love and everything I have to look forward to. And it wasn’t that deep or anything. I didn’t write down all my family members and names of pets and friends. I didn’t write down that I was grateful for a roof over my head and a college education and food on the table. I just wanted to be selfish for a moment and recall the things I personally indulge in that bring a little light to my life. And don’t get me wrong, writing down all the things you’re grateful for is… great (hahaha). But in my own, strange way, writing down the larger, overarching things that I’m grateful for can sometimes cause me to invalidate my own feelings. Like, “I’m grateful for my house” will turn into “Some people don’t have a roof over their heads, some people are suffering out in the cold of winter, and you have the audacity to complain about having too much homework? Some people would kill to only be worrying about homework and midterms right now!”Â
Maybe that makes me selfish. But I just wanted to be selfish for just a moment.Â
So, here’s everything I wrote down on Wednesday, October 16th (of course it was a Wednesday, I have lab that day). I have made zero changes, on my honor. This is letter by letter what I wrote, besides adding a few bracketed notes for context:
- Both my Friday classes are canceled!
- trip to see Maia [my twin sister] in South Carolina
- Fall camping this weekend
- Watched (and loved) “Julie and the Phantoms”
- also watched and loved “Outer Banks” season 4
- Maia and I got a good picture together (I actually felt pretty :)) [It is actually impossible to get decent picture of us, so this was monumental]
- nice to be back in my townhouse and room
- room painted at homeÂ
- Gus looks healthier [my poor kitty wasn’t feeling good, but don’t worry, he’s doing much better]
- Halloween costume slays!
- New Brandy hoodie is perfect and I love the tank top I got
- love all the new stickers on my laptop
- money is coming in!! [HAHA I think this is my first paycheck after I got a job at the Writing Lab, I get paid on Wednesdays]
- the vision for my 2nd short story came through nicely
- I have time to journal and read today
- no lab today!!!! [Welp, I guess it doesn’t need to be a lab day for it to be a doozy of a day]
- good music lately: “Evacuate the dancefloor”, JATP “Unsaid Emily”, “the Edge of Great”, “Die With a Smile”, “Kiss Me”, snowboard playlist
- snowboard season feels closer!!
- and Thanksgiving Break and Maia might visit Bonas that 1st weekend [Maia is in fact coming this weekend, that actually makes me so happy]
Well, I guess I lied when I said no one is going to see the inside of my journal but me.Â