With the holidays coming up it has always been a special time and a time that we get to spend with our loved ones. This year for my family this will look different. This year it will be the first holiday season without my grandpa. He was someone who made the holidays feel so special and always made the family come together. This year we will not be gathering at his house and it is something that I never thought would happen. I feel as though I have taken a lot of our time for granted and never realized that we would ever have a holiday where we wouldn’t meet at his house.
Now when I think of the holidays I don’t really think of the good that comes with it. I see it as a time where we get to celebrate and not have him here to celebrate with us. This is hard and I know it is going to take some time to get used to but I will always feel some type of guilt and will be missing his presence especially during the holidays.
My grandpa was a very selfless person and always made sure that we had good holidays. He didn’t care about presents at all and just wanted to spend quality time with all of us. I think that is what I will be missing the most during the holidays.
With all of this being said, I know my mom will make all the upcoming holidays just as special. She has never failed to show up for my siblings and I and I know she is going to do everything that she can to make the holidays feel normal.
Although the void of grandpa will always be there, I know he would want us to have a good time together. One thing that he liked to do around the holidays was baking cookies. I think that this will be something that we will continue to do and I think it would be a way to feel his presence during the holidays.
Something that helps with this is knowing that I am not alone. I know that I have friends and family who will be there for me and understand what I am going through. However, this will not make the holidays entirely easy.
Grief is so hard and it comes in waves. I think that during this time it will be hard but I am going to not let it dwell on me as I have so many things in life to be grateful for and so many people I care and love. This holiday season I know it will be difficult but I know that he will always be there in spirit and I know my family will still make the holiday season special.