What do you mean I’m entering the “best decade of my life?” Okay, so now what?
“I’m turning 20,” saying that out loud sounds so strange. What do you mean I’m no longer 16, living in my childhood bedroom, going to dance after school, and dreading wearing my uniform for yet another day tomorrow? Every birthday since the age of 16 has felt more off each year. It’s sad to think that when someone sings “Happy Birthday” to me now, it serves as a dreadful reminder that I just closed another chapter of my life; hearing that song used to be an exciting and hopeful celebration for what lay ahead. Well yes, a part of growing up is being dramatic about getting older, but why am I already feeling like I’m having a mid-life crisis at the ripe age of 20 years old? That delicate idea of being 20 should be cherished and kept close.
To prepare myself mentally for this milestone, I’m trying to reframe my mindset. It shouldn’t be “I can’t believe I’m leaving my teen years behind,” but rather “I can’t believe I’m entering a new decade of being in my 20s.” Why am I sad that I have the privilege to live another day? I’d hate to live my life and look back thinking, “I wish I was still 20” when all I did at 20 was think “I wish I was still 16, or 17, or 18.”
Growing up I was the “baby” in every situation: the youngest sibling, cousin, friend in the friend group, and dancer on the dance team. With this came constant teasing and never really being viewed as old enough to be included in a lot of conversations, or at least being looked at like I had no idea what I was talking about when I tried to put my two cents in. Although I once despised always feeling like the movie character who was trying to run after and catch up with the big kids, or understand the inside joke, I now find myself mourning this feeling.
Realizing that I’m now being included in so-called “adult conversations” is not all it’s made out to be.
For my 20th year, I intend to stop trying to plan out every single detail in my life, keep up with the constant desire to make sure everything is perfect, and follow this path without any stops or route changes. I’ve lived every day of my life safely. I physically cannot let myself take risks in any aspect of my life if it interferes with my life playing out flawlessly; but… I’m willing to try (try being the operative word here).
The stress of being 20 and having everything figured out is neither realistic nor sustainable. Besides, there are hundreds of celebrities who did not have everything figured out at 20, and that is the beauty of their life! Your twenties are supposed to be the best years of your life. I’m supposed to be discovering myself, trying new things, having fun, and taking risks! Vera Wang, the famous fashion designer known for her beautiful bridal gowns, was 40 years old when she began her career in fashion; Martha Stewart did not publish her first book until the age of 41; Charles Darwin was 50 years old when he published his famous work on evolution. As the cherry on top, in the first season of the beloved television show, Sex and The City, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte are in their 30s, and Samantha is in her 40s; let that sink in. Life does not stop at 20, 35, 51, or 75, so what is the rush?
For you reading this right now, remember it is never too late. Every day is a new day, so love hard, live full, find balance, look around, and take it all in. Today will never happen again and tomorrow’s never promised. Surround yourself with those that lift you up and watch you thrive. Tell those you admire, that you admire them. Be proud of yourself, even for the little things. Smile at that random person you have never seen before. Please, fuel your soul with the things you love.
Yes, Molly, you’re 20 now, but oh my God you’re 20! You’ll never be the 20-year-old you again, so embrace it. There is no other you on the planet right now, there has never been another you, and there will never be another you; that is a gift. Your face, your body, your thoughts, and your heart are all uniquely yours. Life is too short to spend it stressing about the future and grieving the past. Your existence is fragile so give yourself grace, be gentle, and be excited for tomorrow.
Treat this next decade as a fun ride and figure it out later! Good luck!