Can I be honest for a moment? I stood as a weary eyed and scared little fresher in front of the LGBTQ+ society stall at the freshers fair last year, and I thought to myself “I am queer, but I am not that queer”. Then I walked away. From that moment forward, my ability to find and integrate my way into queer spaces had been stunted. The LGBTQ+ society had reached out an olive branch to silently struggling and lonely queer teens in that room, and I cut it clean down when I should have grabbed on. I thought myself too “normal”, too “straight-presenting” to be someone that wanted to associate with such a loud and proud expression of queerness. I thought it would damage some sort of imaginary âstreet credâ I crafted in my mind. I am, in hindsight, an idiot and I have never regretted a decision more.
Coming to university is, in and of itself, one of the scariest things a young person can do. There is this gargantuan-sized voice inside many of us that wants to convince us that now is the time to reinvent ourselves â move away from the things you hated about yourself in secondary school and be someone new. For myself, unfortunately, I was convinced that the only way to succeed was to shed the “token lesbian” label I had seemed to adhere to in high school and try and hide my queerness as a way to make people like me more. Rubbish. I neglected how important the need for LGBTQ+ spaces were to me, how safe they made me feel, and how important other queer friends are in a way that straight people may never understand. I would have done anything for someone to come along and slap me round the face. So, I suppose, if any of this has resonated with you so far: firstly I want to say I am sorry, and secondly, allow this to be your slap. Allow this article to be your olive branch. Grab onto it, don’t cut it down. I am uncertain why there is this fear inside me, inside many of us, that loud and proud rainbow spaces are “too much” for us. They aren’t.
The UONSU LGBT+ society is a good place to start. They aim to “bring together queer students on campus. Whether you like coffee meetups, board games, movie nights, thrifting, or club nights, youâll find lots of people with shared interests!”. Much to the dismay of homophobes, queer people’s entire identity doesn’t revolve around a rainbow flag, we do so-called ânormal peopleâ things, too. Join their Instagram, silently stalk like a deranged ex-boyfriend, and perhaps when an event pops up that looks interesting, attend.
What is the worst that could happen? LGBTQ+ people have been through too much. We go through too much. We cannot afford to behave in any way other than one of solidarity. We cannot shut these spaces down from the inside; they are already under too much jeopardy. We will not survive without a complete sense of unity among us. No space is too queer, too loud, too colourful. No person is too expressive, or too much, or too themselves. Despite what my scared fresher brain thought, this society will keep you safe. And for every time we think the opposite, by allowing those thoughts to deter us away from safe queer spaces, we are letting the people that want to silence us win. We are giving in. Don’t let them beat us.
Queer spaces at university don’t have to be limited to university and societies themselves, there are some amazing organisations out there like The Gayborhood Events, who put on queer only club nights across a variety of different cities, or Reclaim The Night, who put on women-only, LGBTQ+ friendly marches to combat violence against women and girls. There is also a women’s network at UON, for anyone that feels womanhood is a part of their identity. It is inclusive to nonbinary people and holds safe space events for anyone that wants to attend.
These places are calling out your name, you just need to be brave enough to stand up and find them. It’s also so important to remember that queer spaces are not monolithic, they welcome such a wide range of people with different identities and expressions of queerness, and by taking part in this and overcoming the internalised fear of being “too gay”, you are able to discover your place within the larger LGBTQ+ community. The world is forever going to try and make you feel bad about something. Society thrives on creating problems that make us want to hate ourselves – it is what we as people do best. And if we have to fall victim to society chipping away at our self-esteem, don’t let it be because of who you love. And the next time you think that you are too “good” for a certain type of queer space, think again, they will always welcome you in. I promise.