The St. Andrews’ Scoop

Welcome back to the St Andrews Scoop, where no dilemma is too tricky, no problem is too tedious and no advice goes unshared.  This week’s dilemmas are hot off the press with a mixture of crushes, boy best friends and campus life.  As always, I’m not a professional but I’ve dealt with plenty of dramas over the years and want to channel my inner Dolly Alderton and help you! 

Boil the kettle, fill up your hot water bottle, get warm, and get reading! 

Adding to the Crush Roster: How to Spark Excitement 

“I need some new crushes for the crush roster but my options aren’t looking great (why are the guys here so meh?)- how do I bring back that spark of joy and excitement into my life”

First and foremost, crushes are not the only way to experience life’s thrills, yet nothing feels quite the same as getting giddy over someone new and fantasising about the excitement ahead.  Having a crush can be so much fun and ending up in a relationship feels amazing– you get to live out your ‘Normal People’ university happily ever after (but hopefully without the melodrama and heartbreak).  Alternatively, embrace yourself, your friendships, and hobbies to infuse joy into your life in sustainable, non-romantic ways.

Before I delve into the St. Andrews’ dating scene, I want to give some guidance on self fulfilment. You are truly the only person to complete yourself. You’re not inherently incomplete without a love interest.  True confidence and excitement comes within, not external validation (no matter how fun it sometimes feels). You should only date if you want to and feel complete in yourself and ready to incorporate another person into your life.  Having a significant other is not quintessential to being a woman, nor is it necessarily important to life at university. Boys are fun but don’t forget a universal mindset: “But mum, I am a rich man”.

There’s some key facts to remember when courting in St. Andrews’: 

1. St. Andrews’ is not your typical dating pool

• It’s small, intimate, and ridiculously connected. This is a blessing (beautiful communities and friends of friends) and a curse (Market Street interactions with last night’s questionable decisions)

2. Rejection is redirection 

• Not all crushes will pan out as planned, but that’s half the fun! Treat setbacks and rejections as learning curves to enhance your resilience and confidence and opportunities to refocus your energy. (Trust me, I’ve stood at enough stalls outside the library to know how helpful rejection can be.)

I love our little town as much as the next girl, but the consensus is that the dating pool is limited at best, and disastrous at worst.  Whether it’s a whirlwind romance or cheeky flirtation at 601, staying grounded and mindful can save you from bumping into last night’s ‘friend’ over a basket of Berocca on a Saturday morning.  

If you choose to spruce up your dating options, I would recommend you take things slowly to avoid any awkward encounters. Embrace new experiences, put yourself out there, flirt without pressure, and be yourself.

Coping With Imposter Syndrome 

“How do I cope with imposter syndrome as a first year learning how to write essays etc. in a completely different way?” 

First and foremost, take a deep breath. You are doing absolutely amazingly and you are most certainly not alone.  Feeling out of place is completely normal and not being confident in your own abilities is part of adjusting to university.  St. Andrews’ is a fantastic university and you have proved your ability in gaining a place here. Try and shift your negativity to positivity: instead of thinking ‘I can’t do this, I’m not smart enough’, try ‘I was accepted here because I have potential and I deserve the space to learn and improve’. Imposter syndrome is unbelievably common and although grappling with your feelings is difficult, they are justified.  

Our university offers plenty of student support to cope with these difficult feelings; including Student Services, CEED,  and student support groups. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and anxious, reach out to the university, your friends, or your family, they will be more than grateful to support you. 

Try shifting your perspective from perfection to growth. It’s frustrating to not get the marks you want after pouring hours of your time into the silent section in the library, but sometimes, we get things wrong, and that’s okay.  Mistakes and feedback are an important part of university- it’s an opportunity to learn. Go to your tutors’ office hours and talk through your feedback and how to do better in future assignments.  

You deserve to be here, you are intelligent and talented. University is a difficult adjustment from secondary education and finding this difficult to navigate is expected. Imposter syndrome is a sign that you’re challenging yourself and exiting your comfort zone. That’s where growth happens. 

Friendzoning: Finding Your Way Back

“I friendzoned my guy best friend but now things are weird. I miss how things used to be between us. How do I make things normal again?” 

Friendships can be complicated, especially when there’s feelings involved and nostalgia for how things used to be is completely normal.  Rebuilding your connection is totally possible and important for valued friendships.  

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge how your friend may be feeling. He’s likely still processing his feelings and is potentially feeling embarrassed and/or guilty for disrupting the friendships.  It’s natural for your dynamic to be slightly unnatural while emotions settle, so be patient with him and yourself.  

Though it’s hard, sometimes the best way to re-establish friendships is by having an open and honest conversation.  Ask your friend if there’s anything he wants to talk about, or anything he’s finding particularly awkward.   Revamping your friendship won’t happen overnight, but that’s okay, give it time and focus on spending time together without any pressure.  

Life in St. Andrews is full of twists and turns. Whether you’re struggling with first year jitters, tangled in love complications, or bored of the library- you are not alone.  Each challenge will turn into a beautiful memory integral to your 4 short years here. Keep the questions coming, the tea brewing, and adventures unfolding. 

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