If you are anything like me, family gatherings nearly always involve some form of debate on whether or not the current president is fit for American democracy, or what legislation should or shouldn’t be passed in reference to personal autonomy and the Constitution. If it isn’t obvious, these conversations are greatly unpleasant for me and nearly always result in the further familial polarizing of us versus them. However, this year I am intent on avoiding the political discourse in my grandmother’s home, and I am sure many of you are as well. In hopes of dodging various insults and preventing the provocation of my extremist relatives, I have compiled a list of dos and don’ts for family dinners.
Number One: The first and most obvious on the list is to not initiate any form of political conversation. I know it is quite tempting to interrogate why your uncle has a Trump Vance 2024 sticker on the back of his truck, but we all know this only results in frustration on both sides. My strategy this year is to hold my tongue as I have accepted I cannot change my family members’ stubborn minds and have decided preserving our relationship takes precedence over our differing political views. That being said, it is never frowned upon to stand up for yourself when your family members interrogate you, this is purely for instigation on your part.
Number Two: The second strategy I have found is to change the subject as soon as the topic of politics is proposed. Most of us out there have heard the classic line “So what do you think of transgender people in sports” and have had to formulate a response along the lines of “What kind of ridiculous question is that?” Now, for instances as absurd as this, it is completely normal for me to respond with the same level of pettiness as their question. However, this holiday season I plan to avoid these questions by saying things like “I think everyone deserves to participate in things they are passionate about without scrutinization but I truly don’t have any response for that” while simultaneously suppressing the utter disgust I have for that question and the in-depth counter-argument I would have liked to pose. Though, considering the fact I am hoping to enjoy family dinner and exchange gifts, I have decided those arguments should be reserved for another time. In turn, asking “What time is dinner” or “Speaking of sports are you guys watching the NC State vs. UNC game?” is much more effective.
Number Three: The third strategy I have formulated is to learn how to refute objectively incorrect information without making it political. It is always permitted to correct others on subjects they are completely lacking information on. Again, if your family is anything like mine, you have most likely heard extremist theories of “the liberals want after-birth abortions.” Although you may be rattled from the utter shock and disbelief you may have, you must maintain composed and kindly correct them in a way that is not seen as critical or threatening. Rather than saying things like “What are you even talking about”, maybe rephrase this and instead say something along the lines of “Yes I also heard people saying that, but it is physically impossible to perform an after-birth abortion as the term abortion refers to the medical intervention used to end a pregnancy in the womb. Additionally, birth refers to the natural expelling of a fetus from the womb, therefore making it impossible to perform an abortion after a baby is born because it would no longer be considered an abortion.”
Number Four: The final and most important strategy I have found is to agree to disagree. We all have our own individual experiences that affect the perspectives we have on the world and politics. My lived experience is much different than those of my family members and shapes my political views in much different ways than theirs. This does not mean that their lived experiences and views are wrong, they are just merely different. It is possible to maintain relationships with those you care about without agreeing on politics. That being said, you are never expected to maintain these relationships, as the people you surround yourself with should bring you more happiness and joy than frustration and misery. If these feelings outweigh the positive, it only makes sense to exclude those who bring argumentative discourse to your life. I have personally ended many relationships due to differing morals and ideologies. However, if I can maintain mutual respect and love with my family members outside of politics, I will choose to do so when it results in more love than hate.