Everybody expresses love differently, and feelings have various ways of manifesting themselves, hence why we can categorise acts of love into five distinct languages. This theory comes from pastor and previous marriage counsellor Dr Gary Chapman’s 1992 book, titled ‘The Five Love Languages’, which argued whilst to a certain degree we engage with them all, each person primarily speaks one love language. Since we all demonstrate and receive love differently, they can cause some tension between couples, what you may consider the peak of romance may be different from your partner. As the festive season is all about showing and celebrating love, these are some ways you can incorporate these different love languages into the holiday season and learn to speak your partner’s love language.
Quality Time
The clue’s in the name: quality time simply means feeling most loved and appreciated when you spend quality time with your significant other, and it is thought of to be the most common love language. Focusing your attention on your partner and sharing activities, conversations and memories together can have a great impact, and the festive season presents plenty of opportunities to do so. Christmas and winter themed dates are so easy to incorporate over the holidays, and setting aside the time to plan something special for your partner can be greatly appreciated. Search for some local christmas markets, go on a drive to digest local light displays, pick a christmas film and have a festive movie night (great paired with some gingerbread cookies you can make together) – the list is endless.
Gift Giving
‘Tis the season of giving, as is said, so central to this time of year is gift buying, giving and receiving, and for some individuals, this compliments their love language perfectly. Gifts can act as a visual symbol of your love, and rather than being for their monetary value, it is the thought behind a gift that can be meaningful. Buying personal, deliberately thought out gifts, spending time wrapping gifts together or even making gifts together (for example, pottery painting) can all work towards demonstrating your love for your partner.
Physical Touch
Consented touch and physical intimacy acts as a powerful and affirming love language to some. It can enhance your emotional connection, strengthen your shared intimacy and build trust alongside comfort. Luckily, there are a variety of creative ways you can incorporate physical touch over the festive season. The cold weather outside provides the perfect background for warm cuddles. Something as simple as holding hands whilst ice skating together can go a long way. Why not include Christmas scented candles or massage oils into the bedroom? Establishing what you and your partner are both comfortable with and exploring festive ways to include physical touch can be a fun way to connect this Christmas.
Acts of Service
Actions can speak louder than words, especially if your significant other’s love language is acts of service. This means that they may appreciate you giving your energy and helping them with specific tasks and activities, especially when unprompted, that can make their life easier. For instance, you could try surprising them with their favourite wintery warm drink after a long day of working. Why not decorate your shared space to get each other into the Christmas spirit. Alternatively, if you are somewhat of a natural chef, surprise them with their favourite meal cooked for them alongside a classic Christmas film. It is all about relieving burdens and reducing stress when you can, showing your support for them.
Words of Affirmation
For some, however, it is words that speak louder than actions. Verbal acknowledgements of your love and affection speaks as one of the best ways to communicate your feelings to some. Whether this be giving compliments, speaking words of appreciation, frequent digital communications, or saying ‘I love you’ regularly, spoken shows of affection can be a great way of emphasising your feelings. This can easily be incorporated into gift giving, for example write down your feelings and verbalise your love in a Christmas card, or add a thoughtful note to our gift. Just simply remember to verbalise your love for your significant other – communication really is key.
As demonstrated, there are a variety of ways the five love languages can be spoken this season. Essential to maintaining a healthy relationship is understanding the best ways to communicate with your significant other, and I think that Christmas serves as the perfect opportunity to remind ourselves of the love we share for one another, and learn how best to express our feelings to speak to our partner.