This New Years felt different from the rest, even though I didn’t really deter from my plans. Every year the idea of going clubbing or to a party thrown by a friend-of-a-friend is tossed around, but I ultimately spend the time with my boyfriend having a chill game night. This year was no different, though I couldn’t help noticing the amount of “New Years prep” leading up to the evening online.
Vision boards, bingo cards, health challenges, and superstitions galore for 2025 could not be avoided during my daily doom-scrolling. Now, this is not to insult anybody who sets themselves up with a “trendy” resolution, in fact, I usually also join in on the “New Year New Me” train in one way or another. In past years I have made bingo cards, vision boards, started and completed 75 hard, formulated bucket lists, and just about any other resolution you can think of. I even created a Pinterest board with the intent of making a vision board this year, but then I asked myself the dreadful question:
What do I actually want to achieve in 2025?
At first, I thought it was a no-brainer. Write my thesis, graduate, begin my master’s program, maybe get proposed to. Then I mentally mapped out the steps I would need to take to make these goals happen, and it seemed like an appalling amount of effort. Of course I need to put in time to write a thesis, but graduation will soon be here, I’ve already applied to my master’s program, and I simply need to be patient for a proposal. So, if my goals for 2025 aren’t as difficult to achieve as I thought, why do I still feel like I can’t do them, and how long have I felt this way for? It took some time to fully process, but I believe it stems from the value of having to fill up my free time with a task or helping others. I’ve learnt that if I have a free day, I feel that it must be filled in. This has led me down a nasty rabbit hole of agreeing to put more on my plate than I can handle. I get worn down week by week to the point that I have started to lose my hobbies and identity. It’s a slippery slope, and now that I’m at the bottom, I no longer want to be in this position.
To circle back to my initial question, I want to learn how to be me again. I want to make more time for myself and my hobbies whilst giving myself ample time for the tasks I need to get done, and learn how to say no to obligations when they cut into my needed personal time. In 2025, I am going to be selfish in the best way possible, and in doing so I have taken on a new personal motto:
Thriving and alive for 2025.
It’s important to not get caught up in always “doing the right thing”. “No” can be a hurtful word, but it is equally as important and powerful in keeping your peace. I need to learn how to say no so that I may continue to grow. It might be selfish, but in my eyes, it’s the right kind of selfishness.Â