My name is Lila Singley, I am from Orange County, California and I am about to finish my first year of college at Saint Louis University in St. Louis, Missouri. I am one of the few of my hometown friends who was actually able to go to college more or less in person this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. However, I didn’t exactly get a normal freshman year. There were no events. Most of my classes were online. Most of the city that I was so excited to explore was shut down. I’m not exactly sure what advice I can give, or if any of it will be helpful. Honestly, writing all of this down is more for me than anyone. But sometimes you just need a reminder of how far you’ve come.Â
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There will be sad moments.
You will cry. Maybe a lot. That’s okay; crying will almost always make you feel a little better. I sobbed in my parents’ hotel room begging them not to leave me. The first week of school I cried over a Subway sandwich. After taking my first quiz I called my Dad in the staircase crying because I thought that I had failed it. I had actually gotten an A. I cannot count the number of times I called my mom crying. I heard the first two chords of my Dad’s favorite song and immediately burst into tears. I cried while watching “Hannah Montana: The Movie.” I cried on my best friend’s birthday because it was the first time I wasn’t with her since we were five. I cried listening to “Worldwide” by Big Time Rush. Twice.Â
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There will be happy moments.Â
You will laugh. Hard. Sometimes you won’t be able to help the massive smile on your face. I remember the first time I went to dinner with friends. It was the first time I had actually felt happy since my parents had left. Laughing while playing Just Dance on a random tuesday night. Smiling while a professor makes a dumb joke in class. Sorority Bid Day. Game nights. Movie nights. Coffee dates. Coming back to my dorm room at 4 a.m. My first college Halloween. Eating an entire cheesecake in one sitting. The first time I met my sorority family. Meeting random people by running around the dorms with friends in the middle of the night. It’s the little moments.Â
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There will be lonely moments.Â
You will remember how far from home you are. You will have a countdown happening in your head constantly. I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed my boyfriend. It is very hard to make friends during a global pandemic. You will feel unwanted. Sometimes I would stare outside my window and just watch this big city that I had lived in for months and barely knew. I didn’t have a roommate for most of the year. Some days I wouldn’t talk to another person. Some days I would question the decision that I made and look up how to transfer to the school I almost went to 20 minutes from my house. I hated the beach, but found myself listening to wave sounds to calm down. A lot of times I questioned if I really could do this.Â
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There will be proud moments.Â
You’ll look at photos of yourself from your first month at college and barely recognize yourself. So much happens in a year. I dyed my hair pink after wanting to for years. I cut people out of my life who didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. I learned to be confident. I learned to not care what other people think (most of the time). I got the best score on a paper for my International Politics class. First semester, I made the Dean’s List. Little by little, I started to look in the mirror and smile. I ran two 5Ks. I started to publish the weird things that I was writing. This year changed me for the better.Â
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If I were to summarize my best pieces of advice I could probably come up with two things. One, take risks. Put yourself out there. If you would have asked my senior year self if I would join a sorority, I would have laughed in your face. In reality, joining a sorority has been the best decision I have made in college. In the hardest moments, knowing that I had those friends to fall back on made all the difference. Two, there is no bad day that a good shower can’t fix. No matter how bad it gets, you will always feel a little better after a shower. Just blast some of your favorite music and wash the bad day away. Always remember that you are here for a reason. If I can do this, so can you.