Men, We Need Your Help

Disclaimer: This is a republished open letter to men by Dominyka Vaicinuate. Here at Her Campus Brighton, we urge our male readers to help us take a stand against domestic violence and assault. The views in this piece of writing reflect our chapter and our morals, they may not be representative of Her Campus as a whole.

To finish up women’s history month, I’d like to ask men the biggest favour I’ve ever asked, and I’m asking you on behalf of all women, FIGHT WITH US.

  Women are not safe, no matter what we wear, how we look or talk.  

We, women, are tired of being conscious every time we leave our home. 

We, women, are exhausted from the many times we tried to tell our stories repeatedly for them to be invalidated.

We, women, are tired of being conscious every time we leave our home.

  We, women, are angry that you don’t call out your friends for their behaviour.

  We, women, are disappointed when you stay ignorant.

  We, women, are sick of your behaviour at the night clubs, on the road, on streets, during any gatherings.

  We, women, are anxious around you because we don’t know if you will treat us like an object or a human.

  We, women, are petrified when you follow us, when you block the way or when you shout ‘compliments’ out of your car.

  We, women, are nervous around you when you don’t take no for an answer.

  We, women, are scared when you start to compliment us and won’t stop trying to ‘befriend’ us.

  We, women, are scared when we express how uncomfortable you are making us feel and then act all insulted.

  We, women, hate you when you touch us without permission.

  We, women, are annoyed when you tell us to smile; we don’t owe you our emotions. When you think about it, you’d never hear a man tell another man to smile.

  We, women, are running out of ideas on how to protect ourselves.

    Please, men, start having tough conversations with one another and bring up unacceptable behaviours.  Call out your friend when they are talking about threatening or harming women.

  Please, men, be proactive in understanding personal boundaries. Educate yourself, your friends (and your children).

  Please, men, reconsider approaching women; ask yourself if you really have a valid reason to do it and if it’s appropriate.  

Please, men, listen and pay attention to women’s stories and experiences. You’ll be able to start seeing a pattern in man’s behaviour and help someone.

  Please, men, cross to the other side of the road if you are walking behind women.

  Please, men, walk your friends’ home.

  Please, men, if you notice someone harassing or making another person feel uncomfortable, approach them, just ask if everything is ok; you might save them from being sexually assaulted or killed. You can also call the police if you feel like it’s unsafe for you. 

As much as we want justice, we won’t get it as long as you keep silencing and hating us. Rape and domestic violence culture need to end; we need justice for girls and women. But men need to join us; men have to stand up for us, men to be our voices. It’s the only way people are going to listen. Men, join this fight. Put us on your shoulders and give us a microphone instead of suppressing us and labelling us as man-haters. We are sick and tired of this endless fight. How hard do we have to bang this drum?