Having a dietary restriction is already hard—but being in college makes it even harder. Whether you are allergic to dairy, suffer from Celiac disease, or are avoiding a certain group for another reason, you know the struggles of dining while in college. And if you don’t have a dietary restriction, you’re about to find out the daily struggles many students like myself go through.
I found out that I should stop eating gluten about 4 months before I came to Baylor. Like most people in my situation, I didn’t know how much consuming gluten had an affect on me and how I felt. My symptoms were tricky, they could’ve been chalked up to an autoimmune disorder, depression, anxiety, or some other sort of illness that has a rather extreme effect on the stomach and intestinal tract. I was constantly fatigued, bloated, and felt like a stranger in my own body. There was a running joke in my family: “it is not a family vacation until Liz throws up.” This was because every family vacation I would wake up at least one of the nights, hunched over the toilet bowl as I wracked my brain for what upset my stomach that day. It made vacation difficult because those were the times where we would spoil ourselves with all the delicious food we would normally avoid. I always assumed these experiences were due to a weak or sensitive stomach, never due to a gluten sensitivity.
Whenever I tell people I am gluten-free, they always sympathize about how hard that must be for me. And to be honest, it is very hard but also a huge relief at the same time. I finally figured out what was wrong with me and that it could be fixed! After being gluten-free for almost two years, I have learned a lot of tips and tricks when it comes to dining. But college was a curveball because a big part of coming to college was making friends, and making friends often involved a lot of food and a lot of eating out.
I’m sure you’re aware of the struggle of trying to find your “place” on campus and the struggle of trying to find what truly makes Baylor home. It is a rite of passage that all freshmen go through when they first enter college. I am sure you remember times where you had to push yourself out of your comfort zone or say yes to something you normally wouldn’t in an effort to belong. These experiences help us grow, they help you grow. This is a chance to figure out the kind of people you want to be around, and to figure out the kind of person you want to become. This experience in itself is already incredibly difficult and challenging. Now imagine you have something holding you back. For some people it is anxiety, a sense of uneasiness, the difficulty of being able to adapt to a new environment, fear, depression, feeling lost and unsure of yourself, the ability to finally make choices for yourself. For me, it was my diet.
The thing holding me back my freshmen year (thankfully) didn’t have anything to do with my mind, but with my body. The hardest thing for me as a gluten-free student was in my struggle and effort to make friends. (Which as we all know is already difficult). Because oftentimes, they would want to go out to eat or grab some fast food. As I am sure you know, these little adventures are sometimes planned, but most of the time spontaneous. And when you’re a freshman trying to figure out your place in college, forgoing an experience to develop connections and participate in the “college life” simply because you can’t eat at the place you are going to is not really something you can afford to do.
Popular and loved places in the Grease Pit such as Cane’s, Whataburger, Sonic, and In & Out are incredibly delicious after a long day of classes and studying, but not when you can’t eat gluten and everything is breaded and fried. So I would order fries, or a milkshake and that would be my dinner. I would return to my dorm later, starving. But I still wanted to hang out with my developing friend group. I wanted to belong just like everyone else. So the question became: how do I eat and still make these connections? How do I eat and not miss out?
I didn’t want to go to bed hungry because I couldn’t eat at a restaurant or because all the dining halls that offered accommodations were closed.
As I became closer to my friend group, I disclosed that I could not eat gluten. Some understood what that meant, others did not. But as I began to explain my experience, my friends recognized the severity of the situation and were accommodating if they remembered on the way to Cane’s.
This sort of became a problem for me because my dietary restriction was often forgotten by others. And me? I didn’t want to be inconvenient to everyone else so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to be a burden. Here’s the thing: people can talk all they want about the diets they have or need to adhere to, but when it comes down to it, I have found that many of those same people have an extremely difficult time asking to eat somewhere else due to not wanting to cause trouble or be inconvenient. Because why should one person change the plans of ten?
Nobody wants to be a black sheep. And when you are entering college, there is a strong pressure to make friends. So it was easier to sit and go home hungry. But I am here to tell you that it is totally okay and completely within your right to say “I can’t eat here, can we go somewhere else instead?”
That was a big thing for me: learning to ask for something I needed. Because most people don’t mind switching up the place to eat. Most people don’t think twice of it. And if they are really craving something else, guess what? Suggest that you go to two different restaurants. There are solutions to these types of problems! It sucks that people with dietary restrictions have to give up some amazing food, but what can make it better is the understanding and accommodating that can be done by friends. If you have a friend who is vegan or allergic to dairy, take this as a sign to make sure you dine at places that have good accommodations. Take this as a sign to check in with your friends and make an effort to not make their dietary restriction a big deal. And always reassure them that it is no problem when they say they cannot eat somewhere.
My entire freshman year, if I ate on campus, I only ate at Memo because that was really the only place that had options for someone of my diet. (It is fantastic, by the way. If you ever get a chance to go to their dietary restriction kitchen, you should totally go!) But the problem was that their kitchen had limited hours, and sometimes I wouldn’t be able to make it there in time to eat. So I would tag along with friends who already had plans. Eventually, my dietary restriction stopped being a problem for me because I had friends who understood and knew where I could and could not go. It always makes me feel good when one of my friends suggests a place that I love and am able to eat at, it tells me they are listening.
To those who are struggling with this issue, it is okay to ask for what you need. It is not your fault your body is the way it is. You should not have to starve or give up a good meal. I know it is hard, but people are more compassionate than you realize and ultimately the anxiety surrounding your dietary restriction will disappear as you start asserting yourself and your needs. Your friends, if they are truly your friends, will always be understanding.
To those who have friends who struggle with this: make an effort to recognize where your buddy can and cannot eat, ask questions, and realize that you may have to compromise on where to go sometimes. Your friend with a dietary restriction will love you for this.
You don’t have to sacrifice friends for food. You don’t have to sacrifice food for friends. You can have both and enjoy your college experience to the fullest. What you eat is not an inconvenience. Your friends want you to feel good, not sick or hungry.
And remember: you are allowed to ask for what you need.