If you want to read the first part, see here. Clearly, as you’ve probably figured out from the heading, I’m still very much in the process of figuring this out. I wouldn’t be writing a second how to cope -article otherwise, surely. I hope, however, that if you too have been rejected by a dream school – or internship or work or whatever great institution you’ve applied to, really – there’s some solace in knowing you’re not alone. And really, you aren’t.
Each year, there’s a massive amount of tremendously clever, diligent, original applicants that get rejected. Maybe it’s that they were looking at the grades and not the other fantastic parts of your application; maybe your research proposal merely wasn’t in the area they were looking for; maybe it’s just that so many more people applied this year due to Covid-19. Whatever the case, being rejected doesn’t make you unworthy. It doesn’t make you any less smart or capable or likely to succeed.
What I need, and possibly, you too, is a plan. So let’s figure one out together. Bear in mind, though, that I’m by no means a mental health professional. I’m just someone facing a rejection and trying to figure out how to deal with the aftermath. And you can, too. So here are some ideas on what we can do:
First Step: Mourning
Do you need to cry? Go ahead. Rant to your friends, eat loads of ice cream, take a personal day. Don’t deny yourself grief. Take care of yourself, confide in your friends and family, and, if you’re feeling very, very down, consider professional help – there’s no shame in admitting you need help coping. Grief can be very shocking and unsettling, and there’s no one set way to deal with the sadness caused by rejection. Just remember that this, too, shall pass.
Second Step: What’s Next
OK, so that rejection really, really sucked. After the initial mourning period (be that hours, days or weeks for you), however, you need to figure out a plan. What’s next, now that that thing you wanted didn’t work out? Have you applied to other places? Why/ why not? Why not give other institutions a chance? On the other hand, why not reapply? There’s probably a lot of stuff to think over and re-evaluate. Take your time, write lists, talk with people. Figure out what you want and need. Direction tends to help people overcome difficulties. And really, as the saying goes, rejection is redirection.
Third Step: Get Ready
So you’ve got a plan figured out? Great! Now is the time to get some rest, recuperate and get ready. If you’re exhausted, give yourself time to sleep more and just really focus on self-care for a bit. If you still feel sort of shaky and like you’re not as good as you thought (that’s not true, and here’s why), take some time to address that. Rejection can be really tough on self-esteem, particularly if you’re someone whose self-esteem is at large based on success. Address the problem or otherwise it’ll keep on giving (sleepless nights, exhaustion and reasons to think you’re good enough), or, depending on perspective, taking (your energy, happiness and general satisfaction in life). In other words, take a hard look at your health and well-being after rejection, and figure out what needs to change. Then, work on that.
Fourth Step: Go!
Now that you’ve taken some time to address your grief, figured out what to do next and really focused on self-care, all that remains to be done is executing the plan. You know where you want to go, and now you get to. Ultimately, rejection can be a fresh page, a new leaf, a beginning of a different chapter in your life. Or, alternatively, it can be a basis that you build upon, particularly if you decide to reapply. Maybe, in a way, it’s both. You’ve got that experience of trying and failing and hurting and healing and, my apologies for the cliché, you’ve come out stronger. You know that you can deal with it again if you must but also that you won’t let rejection stand in the way of your dreams and goals.
Now go do that thing. You’ve got this (and so do I).