Reclaiming my Femininity

Every morning, I wake up, brush my teeth, slip my shaved legs into mom jeans with the bottom rolled over a few times, paint wings on both sides of my eyes, and look at the final product staring back at me; I observe my armor.

 I express my femininity with tiny shirts that show my questionably small figure; I like the color pink. I’m what you would consider a girly girl. I haven’t always felt this way. Growing up, I had the opposite experience. I went to a liberal, borderline “hippie” elementary and middle school, and the girls I shared my secrets with all wore baggy cargo shorts and shirts from the boy’s section of target. I even had a friend tell me that the only way to get boys to like me was to dress like a “tomboy.” 

So I did.

 In second grade, I traded my pink converse in for black, no more dresses or skirts, and the neglect that my hairbrush experienced should be illegal. As we graduated into middle school, the societal pressure to start wearing bras and cute skirts began to seep into the cracks of our dry tomboy skin. I’ve never been able to shake the feeling, though, that somehow my femininity could insult my male peers and make them stare at me with disapproval. 

 In a male-dominated society, the men get to decide what is beautifully feminine and what is not. My friend innocently told me that boys wouldn’t like me unless I conformed to their beauty standard. The feeling that beauty and femininity exist for the pure enjoyment of men followed me into high school. I felt like I was grasping for something that was practically unachievable. As a female, I was conditioned to believe that femininity is a set standard when beauty as a 1-D or even two-dimensional concept is based on falsehoods. Everyone has different definitions of beautiful and feminine in the real world, including the boys in our lives. 

There is power in knowing and owning your beauty and feminine standards and not seeking approval from the outside.

I have grown to view my femininity as my armor, as the most unshakable piece of me. I have separated my definitions of beauty standards away from everyone else’s. I like to dress up, wear tight clothes, show my belly button, not wear a bra, baggy sweatshirts, and clunky shoes. I adore flowers and their delicacy, but I also admire the mountains’ sturdiness and grounded nature. Although now my ideas of femininity fluctuate on the daily, they are changing on my own terms. Reclaiming my femininity began with actions of self-love and giving myself to express myself however I want to. There is power in knowing and owning your beauty and feminine standards and not seeking approval from the outside. I sometimes question if I look too put together like I’m trying too hard or look too girly, but the truth is that if you allow society to dictate what is beautiful, you will be playing the losing game. In a male-dominated society, the men get to decide what is gorgeous feminine and what is not. 

Feminism in 2021 is accepting all forms of female expression. I wasn’t any less female in elementary school because I chose to wear clothes that society carefully labeled as male. I have struggled with feeling like I am allowed to express my femininity, with what society deems as feminine, because I don’t always see myself as beautiful enough for this category. Reclaiming your femininity can take any form. You also don’t have to choose between the feminine and the masculine; there is a world where female expression is multi-dimensional and accepting. The duality of allowing femininity to be expressed as intellect, power, sisterhood, and physical beauty is how we expand the feminine scope. Reclaiming femininity starts with empowering the ladies we know in our lives and creating a space for them to explore whatever avenue they chose to take.

The duality of allowing femininity to be expressed as intellect, power, sisterhood, and physical beauty is how we expand the feminine scope.

• female empowerment
• femininity
• feminism