Trying to Find Myself Again

I have been struggling lately. I feel as if I am stumbling through parts of my life; as though everything I thought I knew about myself is changing. There are constants that I know are solid like my friends, my relationship, and my love of reading.

However, I feel like some familial relationships are crumbling, my major and minor are good but not helping show me what to do with my life, I’ve started to dislike writing in regards to academics because of how much I have to do all the time, and I just feel disconnected with what makes me happy.

Throughout the past year, especially throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, I have had ample time to reflect and the experience life without constantly running around and avoiding the day-to-day. I feel like when something is important, I had to learn how to fight for it and for myself to be happy.

Here are some huge milestones for me since I’ve been in college (about 2 years)

– Re-building a strong, healthy, loving, relationship with my mom

– Creating a close family relationship with my boyfriend’s family

– Changing my major and adding a minor based on my goals, not on what I thought I should be doing

– Practicing more self-care

– I fell in love – and I learned what real love is supposed to feel like and look like

– Having a more positive self-image

– I surrounded myself with positive, caring, amazing friends that do not push me down

– Coping and managing my PCOS

Here are some huge milestone that I am still working on

– Be healthier – between eating habits and exercising regularly

– Being more in control of my reactions and emotions

– Being more organized and creating systems to do so

– Figuring out how to make my relationship with my father better, along with dealing with disappointment and reality of your parents not being perfect

– Getting along with my younger brother and trying to connect

– Being confident in myself and decisions – I have a really hard time not pleasing others and saying no

For me, it is really important to keep going. To keep trying and pushing myself to be the happiest I can be. I want to be able to do more things and to be much more satisfied in the things around me; so, when there are tough situations or something I don’t particularly want to do – it makes it easier to push through.

It is really hard to change things you have been doing or putting up with for so long. However, my “new year’s resolution” if you will, is going to be to work on achieving what I haven’t and maintaining what I have. I also want to start writing poetry more again and really diving deep into career//internship possibilities that with make me shine.

I need to find me again. I need to embrace who I am and who I want to be now and in the future. It may be really hard, and it may take longer than I want but I have chosen to be committed to being happy.

I encourage each one of you to strive for happiness, find yourself, be the best version you can, know your worth, and reach for whatever goals you want to! Thank you

Until next time,

HCXO, Maddie Rose <3

-Stay safe, stay healthy, love each other, and do something kind everyday

• goals
• happiness
• Millersville
• Millersville University
• motivated
• self-care