The Benchwarmer

College is full of opportunities: clubs, sports, Greek Life, making new and lifelong friends, are just some of the endless possibilities. Maybe you are very shy and anxious like me and like to err on the side of caution. I have this big fear of looking stupid, embarrassing myself, or being rejected. I have always sat idly by and watch others get to do amazing things that I only wish I could do, but the thing is, I could’ve done it. I just was too afraid to try, to fail. 

Growing up, I loved to dance, wearing those extremely tight leotards and big flowing tutus, getting lost in a song, the warm spotlight hitting your face on a cold, hardwood stage. I would always get so nervous before I went on the stage, my hands would sweat and my mouth was drier than Death Valley. But when I was out there, leaping and turning on my soft pink ballet slippers, I thought I could fly. I loved to dance so much that I joined a company team, with a competition every other weekend. After I made one stupid mistake on the dance floor, I never went back to company. I knew I was capable of more, but I never pushed myself anymore. That’s when I decided I would always err on the side of caution. 

In high school I was the stage manager for our growing theatre department, always hiding backstage and calling the cast to their marks. Every year I wore my headset and pulled the curtain and watched the star of the play shine on stage. I always wondered, what if that was me? Year after year I thought this is my year, I’m going to audition. That feeling of confidence soon faded and what did I do? Err on the side of caution.

In college, I knew this was my time to flourish and be the woman I have always wanted to be. It seems like every time I gain just a speck of confidence to put myself out there, audition for my university’s dance team, talk to the cute boy in my Great Books class, make new friends, I remember that little seven-year-old girl that messed up the dance routine in front the huge crowd and let her team down. 

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, to go for what you want. I know it’s easier said than done – anxiety and fear can’t just magically vanish. If it could maybe I could’ve been on Broadway by now. We are at the stage in life where we should have fun, make friends, make memories that we can someday tell our children. Take a chance on yourself, because when you do, you learn just how capable you really are. As for that scared little seven-year-old who ruined her dance, don’t worry, she’s been in a magazine, done photoshoots for fashion brands, and walked on the runways of New York-she’s not famous yet, but she will be. So take it from me, sometimes it pays to take risks and put yourself out there. 

Still working on gaining the confidence to talk to that boy, just give it time.

• personal growth
• positivity
• self confidence