Before You Say I do

There are a lot of things that come to mind when I think about love. 

Love is amazing! Growing up, kids told their significant others “I love you” all the time. Then there’s drama, and they break up after a month or two. 

Love is not anxiety. Love is not rage. Love is not unforgiving. Love is not alien. We all want love. That’s what we were made for. I believe there is somebody for everybody because humans were not made to live alone. Some people prefer to be single, but most people dream of finding love.

Before you marry someone, I want you to look at a few things. Do they make you genuinely happy? Do you trust them with your whole heart to never leave you or hurt you? Do you want to wake up to them every morning with crusty eye boogers and bad breath and come home to them after a long painful day at work? How well do they know you? Do they go out of their way for you on a regular basis? How often do they say “I love you”? Do you just connect like it was meant to be or does it feel forced? Love is NEVER sadness. Some teenagers and even adults I’ve talked to over the years think they’re in love when in actuality they’ve been together so long they’ve become reliant on that person for comfort and reassurance. They think they love that person when they are really just scared to leave. If it’s always anxiety, stress, emotional and/or physical pain, it is not love. “Love is patient, kind, believes all things… hopes all things, endures all things… love never ends” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Image credit: https://maddiekiddphotography.com/links 

Love is when you want to go out of your way for someone because you want to show them you care. Love is being there for that person when they’re sick instead of being grossed out and scared you’ll get sick. Yes, there will be times where you don’t like them at that moment but you still love them for who they are to you. There will be ups and downs. Every human on earth is bound to come to a disagreement if they’re left together for too long. My best friend and I have been friends for five years now, and I promise we have disagreements. There’s still love there, though. I don’t ever second guess her love for me when we get into arguments. Love is slow to anger and doesn’t leave you. That’s why in weddings they say “til death do we part”, but in my opinion, love conquers death too. After my grandpa died my Nana didn’t stop loving him because he wasn’t here anymore.

Love is when you feel accepted and cherished for being yourself instead of something you’re not. It feels like you can breathe better oxygen with them than without them. Love is never hurtful or judgemental. Do NOT deceive or convince yourself that you’re in love with someone or that it’s meant to be if they don’t uphold the highest standards of commitment and show you through their actions and words.

Too many people throw around the word love. It’s overused and overrated like a slang word. There’s so much depth to it if you look closely enough and try to understand it for what it truly is. When someone one day finally asks you to marry them, before you say yes (and up until you say “I do”) ask yourself:

“How much do they care about me?”

“Do they really know me?”

“Would they be there for me even in the bad/ugly times when I’m sick or angry, or would they ignore my feelings?”

“Do they share the same beliefs with me, and if not how will that affect our relationship as it progresses?”

“Would they push me away when things get messy?”

These are some great questions to delve deep into how you and your spouse connect. If you believe in love at first sight, go for it. I believe it for some because I’ve seen it happen. My advice is to just think before you act. Getting married is a big step in life. We all know it’s something a lot of people look forward to because of social media, parties, and family gatherings. But, you have to remember it’s not about how you look to other people. It’s how you feel about each other and how you feel when you come together. 

I give this advice because I have seen many people (including someone really close to me) be so used to saying the words “I love you” that it all fell apart either before the wedding or after. Either way, it wastes a lot of money, time, and emotions. Be prepared to go through bad times, arguments, disagreements, and everything in between. Life can be a little difficult when you share it with another person, but if you do it with the person who you know without a shadow of a doubt that they will be there for you in the highs and lows, I believe you’re in a great spot and you’re ready to move onto the next step: “I do.”

• dating
• love
• marriage
• relationships