As children, we’re often taught to be kind to the people around us. I was personally taught to never say something that may directly hurt someone else’s feelings – “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it.” Whether people choose to follow this or not, our words can be powerful, and being cognizant of this is important. While this is a wonderful idea, and one we very much need in our world today, there’s something else there that’s just as important; the words we use to talk to ourselves. Upon reading that sentence your first thought could be confused. Did you misread the sentence? Was there a typo in there somewhere? The answer is no. Simply put – we’ve never been taught to be kind to ourselves.
The words we use to refer to ourselves manifest into the way we see ourselves and that becomes what we believe we are. If I spend the Monday after a lazy weekend taunting myself for wasting time which could have been used more productively, that’s all my mind will be focused on: how I wasted my time. If I constantly tell myself I need to lose weight, use words with negative connotations, or put myself down for eating an extra scoop of ice-cream, that’s all I’ll see myself as – the extra scoop of ice-cream that I believe is sitting on my hips. Restructuring our mindset is important because only when we change our thoughts, we will see ourselves in a different light. Rather than internally rolling our eyes at our own behaviors, it’s time we understood and accepted our actions and tried to be compassionate with ourselves. Maybe last week was a busy, stressful week full of deadlines and all I wanted to do on Saturday was to lay in bed, watch a movie and eat some ice-cream. It isn’t the end of the world if that’s how I spent my day, and it isn’t a waste; in fact, it was some much-needed self-care.
We need to be thanking our bodies and our minds for doing what they do and for showing up for us each day. Our internal systems work day in and day out to keep us alive, to keep the oxygen coming in and carbon dioxide going out, to keep us afloat, extracting nutrients from the foods we consume, and letting us exert ourselves, mentally and physically, when we need to. Our bodies are not machines that have on and off switches. We require self-care and words of affirmation, not self-deprecation and criticism. Today, self-care has become a strange phenomenon of extravagant salon appointments and luxury treatments, but they aren’t just that. Self-care can be ordering take-out when you’re too tired to cook, lighting a candle to fill your room with a fresh scent, or taking the morning off to do your laundry and create a clean and cozy environment in your bedroom. It can be a slice of cake, a phone call with a friend, a slightly longer shower, or even just listening to a playlist of your favorite songs. Self-care is anything you do, no matter how big, just for you.
These little things are especially important in the times we’re living in, and it is especially now that we don’t realize we need them. It can be easy to get wrapped up in the scary facts and figures we see on the news, in the rat-race of balancing virtual versions of school or college while maintaining good grades, performing the best at our jobs, or even being a good child or sibling or friend. What we’ve failed to recognize is that we’re living in the most unexpected of times. This is new to each and every one of us, and nothing we’ve experienced before could have fully prepared us for the year we’ve had. It’s okay if you’re ending the year at a place where your new year’s resolutions or goals aren’t complete, or if you didn’t accomplish all that you thought you would 12 months ago. Cut yourself some slack, simply for being here and for surviving all that you have. This isn’t a cheesy reminder to love yourself for who you are – it’s simply one to remind you to learn to be gentle with yourself and use your words mindfully.
Today, try talking to yourself the way you would a friend. Try being loving, caring, and understanding. If self-care sounds silly, or it’s never been your cup of tea in the past, even after a long day of work – try considering it now, after a long year of living amid a global health pandemic. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.
