How Birth Control Makes Me Feel After Being on it For 5 years

My real answer is: I don’t know.

If you asked me to define birth control, I would say that it’s a tiny pill that makes you question everything. While I’m not incredibly sure about implants and other contraception forms, I know about the pills. 

Ups and downs, lefts and rights, horizontal, whatever; this pill has pushed me in every direction, and I have probably felt every emotion five times harder than someone not on the drug. Five years ago, my gynecologist told me she thought it would be a fantastic idea to go on the magic pill, considering I had cystic acne, and my period was wildly out of wack. I’m talking bleeding for two weeks consecutively. Ouch. 

Being a desperate teen looking for quick answers, of course, I agreed. I don’t think it was a mistake, but I didn’t even consider other options before complying. 

Honestly, I can’t remember what I was like before medication. Was I continuously having a whirlwind of hormonal outbursts? Maybe. I feel like birth control mainly monitors my emotions, and that being said, I think it numbs them. I still feel things, but I feel like my reactions are much more level—it takes a lot more to make me super excited or super depressed. My levelness could be a side effect of aging, but I feel different from my friends who aren’t taking it. 

The pill doesn’t do anything drastic to me, but I feel less energetic than my non-regulated friends. Sure, it helped my period, but to this day, I don’t know if it did anything for my skin. I sure am tired all the time, though. That could also be a side effect of rewatching Schitt’s Creek reruns until the early hours of the morning. All I can say for sure is, I don’t know why I got put on the pill at such a young age. I almost feel like it is a prescribed coping mechanism or bandaid for young girls who are just experiencing regular hormonal changes unless you decide to go on it yourself. I definitely know I didn’t need birth control for sex when I was 15; I was way too busy picking lettuce off my braces or memorizing Beethoven on my clarinet for 3rd-period band class. 

Many people benefit from the pill, but I am scared to go off of it one day. My body’s norm is the pill – what happens when I want kids? Will I have bad skin again or have raging hormones? I’m not sure. It’s genuinely terrifying to consider. I think all the girls in my shoes are just hoping that our bodies are past the point of hormonal chaos when we decide to go off of it. 

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