A lot of people watch porn.
Not everyone does, but a lot of people do.
Unfortunately, consuming misleading porn can lead to harmful and unrealistic expectations for sex.
I started watching porn before I started having sex. It taught me a myriad of lies about what was expected of me sexually and what was acceptable conduct from my partner.
The following is a catalog of the myths of porn that I have successfully debunked:
1. The Myth of the Instant Orgasm
If your partner can even locate your clitoris (a rare occurrence for some), it can feel like a stopwatch has started, and it’s up to you to reach climax before the clock runs out. Trying to concentrate, force your body to relax and reach orgasm is an impossible cocktail, especially when the pressure of time is ticking away in your ear. In porn, women seem to reach orgasm in a mere matter of moments – and that, my loves, is not realistic. I always like to encourage my partner to come prepared, hydrated and patient when embarking on a sexual endeavor – good things take time! Try not to feel rushed.
2. The Myth of Perpetual Rough Sex
Let’s talk about rough sex. It can be wonderful if orchestrated with clear consent and respect. It can also be disastrous and harmful. Sex does not have to be forceful, rambunctious and painful. If you want it to be – then full sails ahead sailor, but if not – do not allow yourself to accept anything other than what you are comfortable with within the bedroom. It doesn’t matter who your partner is; if they are behaving in a way that makes you feel disrespected, speak your mind.
3. The Myth of the Louder, the Better
Not everyone raucously screams while climaxing, another fib that has been fed to us by the pornography industry. While being vocal during sex can strengthen the communication between you and your partner and be a leading turn-on contributor – it’s not required or expected of you.
4. The Myth that Women Are Hairless
In my humble opinion, the bigger the bush, the better. And while the bush was a trend in pornography in the 70’s it is not very prevalent in the porn available to us today, unless you’re niche diving. You are not required to shave, wax or apply Nair (how terrifying) to any part of your body to appease anyone else. You are sexy with or without your hair – it’s up to you to decide how you want to groom your body, without the influence of anyone else (even me)!
Everyone marches to the beat of their own drum. While I am by no means looking to impose my self-declared sexual wisdom on your boudoir, I hope you’re able to look at the norms that you have been taught through years of sexual influence at the hand of porn. This isn’t to villainize porn – there are wonderful elements to porn (and how would I have gotten through midterm season without hentai Mario and Luigi easing my stress? Yes. Mario characters bone too). On that note, happy masturbating everyone!