If you’re involved in the dating scene, you have probably run into your fair share of a—holes, jerks, narcissists, liars, cheaters… feel free to stop me at any time.
You know, the bad guy.
But among the shadows lurks the worst of them all.
He’s the guy that you joke with during your shift. Or, the one who gives you a ride home when you need it. Maybe it’s the guy you study with for your weekly quizzes.
He’s the “nice guy.”
If you suspect someone in your life has “Nice Guy Syndrome,” these are the signs you should look out for.
- He showers you with compliments and/or favors
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There is nothing inherently sinister about a guy giving you compliments or doing something nice for you, but if it’s consistent, and you’re sensing a “vibe,” you’re probably right about it.
Typically speaking, guys won’t act like a boyfriend if they’re not expecting boyfriend benefits to come along with it. When he does these things, he will probably make comments about his character—how nice he is, etc. If someone is keeping mental tally marks of all the favors that they are doing for you, then their kindness isn’t for free. Or genuine. Your reciprocated romantic or sexual interest is expected in exchange.
The “friend zone” is the worst place you can put him, and he will usually show his true colors once that happens. The entitlement a “nice guy” has about your attention is usually something that is revealed when he’s rejected.
Twitter user @solomongeorgio put into words the disturbing and entitled mindset of the typical nice guy:
“You think getting friend zoned is bad, imagine your creepy male friend thinking you owe them sex.”
Sex is a personal choice. No amount of favors or nice words make someone deserving of something that only you have autonomy over.
Let me say it again for the people in the back: No matter how “deserving” someone is, sex is a personal choice, and only you get to decide if it’s something you want to partake in.
- He points out other guys’ shortcomings to make himself look good
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It’s nice when men are self-aware of the ways they can act sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships and sex. However, if the guy in question regularly makes it a point to distance himself from the caricature of the stereotypical male, chances are, he’s just as bad.
Instead of taking time for self-reflection, he will insist that women reject him because they want a “bad guy,” which just isn’t him. But ironically, the mere fact of this so-called nice guy feigning kindness and moral superiority so they can have an opportunity to get in your pants makes them the worst kind of “bad guy.” They are the embodiment of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
- He says “not ALL men”
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It’s likely you’ve heard the phrase “men are trash.” It’s possible you’ve even said it yourself. This phrase has been trending lately, and it’s likely because women feel like men’s audacity just seems endless at this point.
Chances are, if a guy responds with “not all men,” he felt personally attacked by what you said. This could mean a couple of things. One: He is the type of guy that you described. Or, two: He is not willing to think outside the scope of his experiences, so he dismisses women’s plights with men. Either way, this is definitely a guy to avoid.
Real nice guys understand what women mean when they complain about guys as a generalization because they believe and listen to women’s experiences with an open mind. They also don’t try to interject themselves into the conversation in an effort to shift the attention away from the discussion at hand and start talking about their own character.
The dating world is a complicated place, and there are all types of guys to be wary of, but don’t get fooled by the hollow gestures that those diagnosed with “Nice Guy Syndrome” may show you. And if you end up in a situation where you reject one of these “nice” guys, do not let them make you feel guilty about it. You do not owe anyone your time, your body or your love. Those things cannot be bought.